tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44715378535096680992024-03-15T21:10:49.008-04:00Power of SilenceA blog started when I realized how important silence is to my life.Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.comBlogger114125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-59176988401902889002021-11-03T13:50:00.001-04:002021-11-03T13:50:34.360-04:0046 years ago - today.<p> Seeing death so closely means never forgetting that moment and the events surrounding it. It is an experience that leaves a hole in the heart that never fills out again, no matter what one does or who else comes into one's life. I have never attempted to fill that hole. Instead I have made it a space that I can crawl into and be a child, and a princess anytime I want. </p><p>My Baba, my Dad, is my hero. He was an imperfect man - a regular human to most, am sure, but to me he was flawless. Just the father I needed, to make me feel adored, and always cocooned. Baba was a big man to me. He was tall, broad, warm, with a smile that I will always cherish. Being in his presence made me glow with pride. He was a good man, a disciplined man, a man of very few words but when he spoke his words had purpose and depth. He had a guffaw for a laugh - not very often heard and usually short ones. It was almost like he would swallow his laugh half way because he did not want to share that fun side of him - that part of him was his alone. </p><p>He was overly protective and hugely caring of his loved ones. The softness in his eyes betrayed his stern, silent demean. There was so much warmth in his very presence and yet people were never quite sure what he was thinking or whether or not he approved something - he mostly wore a scowl on his face - till that all pervading smile broke out.</p><p>He passed away on November 3rd 1975. He had been diagnosed with a galloping cancer in the brain less than 2 weeks prior. He was not his usual self for about 3 or 4 months at most. He left while at home in a coma while we watched him take his last long breath - then as we waited for his chest to rise again and nothing happened we knew that he had given up on life. He was 52. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjII0MXLU-rkm2VOrNeOBQEbBz0FiDzVMe3oZiwfwknkRN-2bQn7zQ9Ghhf6VT2UiSw-cFOaFlgTlAeWeXsG-GeCYo0qI3aAlJ3okFl30p5hcOHykz2JPi7NTJgUuTo576P9b-7De_Sesk/s1394/AC8DEE1F-0643-4564-8D68-E0F42268570D_1_201_a.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1394" data-original-width="562" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjII0MXLU-rkm2VOrNeOBQEbBz0FiDzVMe3oZiwfwknkRN-2bQn7zQ9Ghhf6VT2UiSw-cFOaFlgTlAeWeXsG-GeCYo0qI3aAlJ3okFl30p5hcOHykz2JPi7NTJgUuTo576P9b-7De_Sesk/s320/AC8DEE1F-0643-4564-8D68-E0F42268570D_1_201_a.jpeg" width="129" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-63420150643447757392019-05-21T18:01:00.000-04:002019-05-21T18:01:38.886-04:00The Artist in me. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As a child I was made aware, that I was terrible at drawing/sketching/painting. I was told I had no 'sense of art.' I know that is true, but am not sure where that 'sense of art' comes from or what it comprises of, so have never made an attempt to 'learn(?)' it, till now.<br />
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For the last few months, I have been wanting to draw or paint, but have hesitated knowing that I would not be good at it. So I did the next best thing and took up an online course in drawing. I am happy I did as it has proven to be a hilarious exercise for me. There is no doubt I am terrible at it, but I also now know why.<br />
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I am not very observant of the physical world. I see things as general shapes and forms, but do not notice details, so reproducing things as a drawing from memory is impossible. I love elephants, I know they are big animals with big ears and a trunk, but am not aware of the proportions, or where their eyes are placed, or how long the trunk is, and if there is a difference in ear size or tusk size from one elephant to another, or even if they all are the same color. So, what is it about elephants I love? It is their stature, their majesty, their grace, the way they move, the old soul wisdom in their eyes, their attachment to each other - that is what I have observed about them. I could write a short story about an elephant, but I would not be successful at illustrating one as a drawing. I am sure that is my unique quality. :)<br />
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Then there is the sense of depth that I am unable to reproduce on paper. I look out of my window and see the trees and the grass and I love how the colors seem to synchronize with the environment in general, but ask me to reproduce the sight and I would be flummoxed trying to figure out where each element should be on my paper. Not that I do not see the depth, because I could write a descriptive essay about it, but maybe it is a kind of drawing dyslexia I need to overcome.<br />
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I am enjoying drawing so I sit down with a reference photograph (I cannot imagine drawing without one) and when I am finished it does not look anything like the photograph. I am sure I reproduced all the elements, but no, the two do not match. The challenge is that I can tell they are different but know not how to match them :(. Also I find that I can tell the difference more from a photograph of my work than from my original work. Rather strange I think.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdRCa9giQbh7kzHCTYXzD_B8U1sCSnEEaBnGGMR_t4xDHvU885ZpZIxFqBL-65F1C8qeb9NzJZWvs6DKnN6rMN5nqtgSW9OPlXC9fCDi-y6oID-yGHOWO5zAhOeN3SEeXzUK1cf2MNjKg/s1600/Boardwalk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1123" data-original-width="1441" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdRCa9giQbh7kzHCTYXzD_B8U1sCSnEEaBnGGMR_t4xDHvU885ZpZIxFqBL-65F1C8qeb9NzJZWvs6DKnN6rMN5nqtgSW9OPlXC9fCDi-y6oID-yGHOWO5zAhOeN3SEeXzUK1cf2MNjKg/s320/Boardwalk.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV20nmwp3cSlUFdCPpCn26RqEN024XIQxT_uvh7Rq2_sMOE-RjQz6ysP0Rynz9iGDTYs2ZK9Xc2Pg7B6_9oU8QMETCa8Zaz2suFq6p9lchT2kkwLDtOsO__fcW2fP0dRAmZmxka42qdFw/s1600/boardwalk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="986" data-original-width="1600" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV20nmwp3cSlUFdCPpCn26RqEN024XIQxT_uvh7Rq2_sMOE-RjQz6ysP0Rynz9iGDTYs2ZK9Xc2Pg7B6_9oU8QMETCa8Zaz2suFq6p9lchT2kkwLDtOsO__fcW2fP0dRAmZmxka42qdFw/s320/boardwalk.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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As you can tell my work has a strange perspective. I know where I am as I look at the boardwalk in the photograph, but am hovering among the trees looking down upon my drawing. If I make another attempt I will probably be closer to the picture but in the meantime this gave me the opportunity to add some flowers where there were none, simply to add some variety to the drawing. The end result made me smile - not as much at the drawing as at my inner child pushing forth and giggling with me. </div>
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I have had comments from my drawing instructor for the assignments submitted that are very encouraging as he guides me along to make necessary changes which is very helpful. Then of course, my dear husband looks at my work and says, "very nice, but definitely not right." He cannot fathom why I cannot get the perspective right. I do not blame him as he cannot un-see what he can see, so how in the world is he going to see the world as a flat surface - wonder if you know what I mean? A girl friend is very appreciative of my work and keeps telling me I am improving every day, while my son says I should not give up my unique perspective. All in all my art is getting me reviews that are fast depleting my soft pastels and sand paper sheets. </div>
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I will persevere, not to get to be a successful artist, but just to enjoy the process of improving my observation of this beautiful physical world that I live in. This art form has helped me to see things I have only glanced over for most of my life and I am enjoying this new found view of things around me. </div>
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-31277097757694987572018-09-22T14:21:00.000-04:002018-09-22T14:21:17.889-04:00Abundance - redefined.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
One dictionary meaning of the word abundance is 'in ample quantity.'<br />
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Feeling a sense of abundance is therefore a relative term. For a child enough pennies that he can hold in his hands is abundant, and for an adult enough pennies in a jar may not be. That is abundance in the material sense of the word.<br />
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In the philosophical sense abundance is more about the 'sense of contentedness,' than about 'plentitude.' Someone with millions may not be content and yet some will say he leads an abundant life. A millionaire may yearn to earn even more than he has and probably even more than a few generations after him will need, so abundance may never be achieved. Not necessary that millionaires do not understand abundance, many do and these are the ones who share their wealth with others with an open heart. The fulfillment they get comes from their sense of purpose and from understanding the place of wealth in the fulfillment of that purpose that goes beyond their inner circle. They acknowledge that wealth gives them the power to be inclusive, to be empathetic, and compassionate. Once they experience that they are not only millionaires but philanthropists.<br />
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An abundant life is one in which there is joy, love, and peace. Money is a part of that abundant life as it provides for a roof, food, safety and probably most importantly peace of mind. Money can also be a major reason for stress. Our relationship with money decides how we deal with money, and our sense of contentedness is a determinant of whether it brings us peace or stress. Money like all other tangible possessions is lifeless and our relationship with it is therefore one sided and completely in our control. Money does nothing to us. It is how we deal with money that affects us.<br />
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Having plenty brings joy when it is blessed with humility and gratefulness. Abundance brings love when it is sanctified with kindness and compassion; and it brings peace when it is hallowed with courage and fortitude. Abundance needs to make us inclusive and expansive otherwise no matter how much we have we will suffer from a sense of lack, of paucity.<br />
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For my personal use I choose to expand the dictionary definition of abundance - 'in ample quantity to satisfy.' If I am not content, or am yearning for more than needed, of anything - be it tangible or not - I cannot claim to be living an abundant life. It is the sense of contentedness that defines my abundant life and I can honestly say - I am not there yet. Not because I lack in anything, but because I am not yet at peace with what I do have.<br />
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I am examining my 'sense of lack' and it comes from a fear of the future. I look around at people of my generation and they are better prepared for the future than I am. This fear is rooted in the past and although I claim to live in the present, my mind is not firmly established in it. I have to regularly pull my mind away from the past and the future. Deeper introspection is called for to weed out this imaginary fear and to develop a strategy to a more secure mindset.<br />
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When I examine my life, I see that I have always had enough of everything and much more than enough of many things. The sense of lack is imaginary and completely unfounded. I have so much to be thankful for and I am grateful for all of it. Now if only I can weed the fear out of my psyche, I can truly live a life of abundance in the now. I have begun the process of contemplation on my fear and am sure this too will pass. Hopefully, soon, I will be writing about the results of that process. :)</div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-28488427946131084182018-08-13T18:35:00.000-04:002018-08-13T18:35:28.880-04:00Angels<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">So many angels have appeared in my life over the years. Some for a short time, some have stayed forever, but they have all played important roles in my life. The I of today is a result of all their influences and for that I am forever grateful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The beauty with angels is they come unannounced, do their thing in silence and step aside. They sometimes come back, though they may not have been acknowledged the first time, just because they are needed in my life again. Sometimes I have reached out to them during my time of need and they were right there to guide me, to reprimand me, to push me forward, to give me solace, to speak the truth, to provide me a shoulder or just to listen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday I spent my time meditating on these angels and giving them my thanks. I wanted to acknowledge them for the support they have given me in dealing with spiritual, emotional, or material issues. Some have been physically beside me, some I have yet to meet personally but am associated with through the world of technology. Some I have lost touch with, some I am in constant communication with and some others are in the periphery where they are easily accessible. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My family has been my most unrestrained angels. Always wanting what is best for me and always expecting the best from me. They have been by my side even if I have pushed them aside in anger or frustration. They are family and also my best friends. They have made me strive to be a better person every day. Even those who were rude or abusive (am sure almost every family has some of those people) were angels in disguise, for they taught me how not to be. These were the ones who made me empathetic, as I learned first hand what being hurt actually feels like. Empathy, probably by far the most essential essence of the human existence - came because of the angels who made me cry. So, I am grateful to them too - only wish they were blessed with empathy and kindness themselves for they must be hurting deeply to so callously hurt others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My friends have been my strongest angels. They are the truth tellers that make me face my worst fears while embracing me so I do not crumble. My luck with friends surpasses all other good fortunes. They are the circle that forms around me and gives me strength when I am down and brings me down to earth when I am flying too high. Some of them have been tied to me like a cord that nothing can tear - non judgmental, expecting nothing in return. Some have wandered away but I will forever remain grateful to them for the part they have played in my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My teachers have been my most blessed angels. They taught me not just from books, rather by demonstrating what being human was really about. I had the best teachers all through life - in schools, life coaches, spiritual teachers, advisers, and counselors. They have all left marks in me that I tap into often, for their teachings are relevant even today. They taught me what perseverance, integrity, honesty, love, compassion, charity and Truth can do for me and how I too can put these qualities forth. They form my base, the ground on which I stand firmly rooted. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My places of work have always been an assembly line of angels. It is wondrous how much of my success is because of the people I have worked with. When I think of the trajectory of my career I am amazed that despite all my inabilities when I started off, I was able to establish myself as an asset at every job. I have to be grateful to all of the people who held me up and pushed me on and never lost faith in me. Without them by my side I would still be the clerk I started off as. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Angels bring energy with them. This energy shifts the negative vibes out of my orbit and holds me in an aura of soothing light that makes it possible to see the truth and the good and to distance myself from anger and indifference. The energy makes me stronger, more compassionate, more confident and helps me spread love and joy. Angels come from different walks of life, under varying circumstances - they come as Messengers of the Universe and because they are needed at that exact moment. They are proof that we are all connected by an energy that binds. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I bow down to each and every one of my Angels. You and I both know who you are. May you all have angels in your lives so you too can be surrounded by and spread out love and joy. You made a difference and I applaud you all. </span><br />
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-35915340733328251882018-08-12T12:19:00.000-04:002018-08-12T12:19:18.620-04:00Lovers - The Muse and The Passion<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">Writing has been my passion, but even this passion seems to wane at times and then it is as if the muse pouts for the passion taking a break. The muse and the passion work hand in hand and are in a relationship as two lovers. It is amusing to watch them - very much in love - but unwilling to take the first step to reconciliation. Not wanting to be the one giving in, yet being aware that in this struggle they are both losing out on something beautiful. That is when intervention becomes essential. <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">Cannot let this relationship die because the two parties are being unreasonable. That would be a colossal loss as together they foster peace, joy and a sense of fulfillment for the Universe they reside in. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">As a witness to this tiff between the two I have seen the muse rise, bring up an idea, develop a theme and want to express itself but being incapable of doing so without the cooperation of the passion. Unfortunately the passion has too many interests. These days its biggest preoccupations are the political news, soaps and web-games. The tragedy lies in the fact that these diversions bring neither joy nor peace and are not fulfilling. They simply take up time and energy and muddy the pristine environment in which the muse is best nurtured. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">Intervention would require that the distractions be put aside. A tall order in the present environment where the news cycle is so pervasive with the constant bickering caused by a warped mind set of fear. As for the soaps - they are just a way to let one feel superior to the antagonists and to identify with the protagonists - knowing fully well that this has very little to do with reality. The worst culprit though, is undoubtedly the web games. It is as if mastering the games proves something when it does no such thing. All these distractions are the mind taking control and disallowing peace to take hold. Meditation, reading, writing, needlework bring a calmness that the ego is constantly fighting. From this calmness comes a sense of space and energy, that nurtures realization of the true potential of the mind and the spirit; and where the spirit rises the ego seems to lose its identity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">“<span style="background-color: #ffe599;">Hey, Mr Ego - you are an essential part of this Universe. I know, because you reside in me. I am your Universe. It is impossible for me to exist without you. Stop being so pushy. Lie low and watch what big things can be achieved. Taking control is a horrible habit to develop. It drains your energy, makes you fearful and no good comes out of it. Consciously let Mrs Spirit come forth. She will lovingly co-exist with you, help you regain your energy, edify you and together you will bloom</span>.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none; font-size: large;">The muse is asleep. The passion has drained it of its energy. Now the Universe needs to collaborate with the environment to make it possible for the muse to rise, feeling loved and needed. The environment will need to be changed so the distractions can be put aside and the passion can be re-directed to open its arms to the muse. Meditation will start the process then reading and needlework will help fill the gaps that have distanced the lovers, for the muse is inspired by the passion indulging in these calming activities. These lovers belong together and their Universe will conspire to keep them together. It must. </span></div>
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-87910477134373593482018-01-30T19:00:00.000-05:002018-01-30T19:00:38.408-05:00Bringing back my Muse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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My muse seems to have taken a long break. Have not written seriously for a while now and I think it is the games on my phone that are to blame for my muse taking a back seat. There is a game called '2048' that I am obsessed with. Very addictive.<br />
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So I decided to take a Right Brain/Left Brain Quiz. Even if it is not one hundred percent accurate the results tell me I have some balancing to do.<br />
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Left Brain Dominance: <br />
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Right Brain Dominance: <br />
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For the next few months I am going to stay away from games like Sudoku and 2048. Instead I will read and write more, listen to music, meditate and bring more balance into my life. My job needs me to deal with numbers and make logical decisions on a daily basis. My leisure needs, from now on, to be dabbling with some creative work that is not repetitive in nature. Crocheting also requires me to count more than create - maybe I should design a new pattern, instead of working on patterns designed by others.<br />
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Words have always been my friend and I am taking them for granted, as I know that the flow will come naturally the moment I apply myself to writing every day. I pledge to write at least a page a day, even if it is gibberish.<br />
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What stopped me from writing a few months ago was the sense that what was wanting to be penned was not what I wanted people to read. The words were dark and negatively charged. These do not characterize who I want to portray myself as, to the world. Pain is a part of life. When that pain is inflicted on you there needs to be an outlet so you can heal. My outlet has always been words. I have written about pain and healing but what I did write was not reflective of what I really wanted to say. It was generic and did not delve into my emotional, visceral reactions. If I do express on paper what I want to, it may prove to be both shocking and hurtful to some. I, therefore, made a conscious choice not to commit it to paper. That meant that I plugged the pathway that my expressions pour out of. Instead I filled the channel with numbers, math, logic, and reasoning. All good things, but I kept some of the more beautiful aspects of life out. <br />
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Expect more posts on my blog, friends. I am still not sure what I will post here but please do bear with me.<br />
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Thank you for continuing to visit. Back again soon. </div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-79372994589227095482017-10-24T18:40:00.000-04:002017-10-24T18:40:29.169-04:00How Change Can Affect Us<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Over the last few years my self-awareness has heightened. I no longer let life blind-side me. I do not know what will happen in the future, but in the present moment I am consciously experiencing everything. I learn from it, I respond to it and attempt to come out a stronger, better, happier me. I find that this awareness means the Universe is so much more abundant in what it has to offer. All of it has always been part of my Universe - only I was traveling through it with blinkers on.<br />
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Around the end of May, I was introduced to the idea that it is possible to be East Indian and not eat grains. Everyday Indian cuisine has a staple of grains - mainly rice and wheat. The base of every meal is either cooked rice or some form of unleavened bread (roti, naan, paratha, puri etc.). Then there are beans, legumes, vegetables, fruits, nuts, dairy, eggs, fish, and meats. Whether we are vegetarians or not, grains are a major component of every meal. Since being diagnosed with diabetes, twenty years ago, I have restricted my overall intake of carbs including rice and wheat, but never considered giving them up completely. Till now.<br />
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For a few weeks before the germ of the grain free diet plan came into my purview I had a few episodes of hyperglycemia alternating with hypoglycemia. Nothing had changed in my diet, exercise, and neither was there any change in stress. Maybe I was moving towards being a brittle diabetic despite being on an insulin pump and being so careful with my diet. I knew that carbs played an important role in the management of my diabetes. I also knew that reducing my carbs would give me room to fine tune my insulin intake. That is when the plan of going grain free ventured subtly into my world.<br />
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I decided to try it - at least till I could bring my blood sugars to normal again. It meant finding resources that would make it sustainable at least for a few weeks. I needed recipes, a shopping list, an affordable store and a willing partner in my husband. Fortunately I have a friend who is extremely resourceful with information and the barrage of recipes she WhatsApped (that must be a word now) me only excited and motivated me to dive wholeheartedly into it. Wheat flour was replaced with almond flour, coconut flour, tapioca flour, and combinations of these. Rice and breads were replaced with savory legume crepes and tapioca flour pancakes, making rice unnecessary. I had to change my meat and vegetable recipes to be drier so I did not need the rice and I increased intake of coconut oil, butter and ghee (clarified butter) and ensured I had at least some animal protein for every meal. I was fuller with less food and stayed satiated longer. I added a few servings of vegetables, and to satisfy the sweet tooth I ate very small servings of fruit. I made sure not to deprive myself of flavor or texture so I could stay on the meal plan, and it worked. It is now just about 20 weeks that I have been completely grain free - not carbs free - grain free. I have eaten no grains, no potatoes and no refined sugars and I am still excited and happy with the plan. Cutting grains out caused my carbs intake to reduce and so I am taking less insulin.<br />
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Breakfast: Cheese and vegetable omelette / fresh 2 minute almond flour bread in a cup in the microwave / fresh 2 minute almond flour banana walnut muffin in a cup in the microwave / fresh 2 minute strawberry coconut flour muffin in a cup in the microwave / fresh home made bean sprouts with fresh yogurt / mixed nuts with a serving of fruits / cheese with a serving of fruits.<br />
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Lunch: legume crepe; (these with a serving of fish, meat or egg and a serving of vegetables and some chutney made with almonds and yogurt) / home made dahi vada / steamed vegetables with curried fish / spicy roast chicken with raita.<br />
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Snack: nuts / vegetable fritters / cheese / occasinally a fruit - berries, grapefruit or melon slice / almond flour cookies / chick pea flour cookies. (Only home made cookies - yumm!)<br />
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Dinner: Naan made from a combination of Tapioca flour and chick pea flour or crepes accompanied with a fish or meat and a vegetable. A cup of yogurt is a must.<br />
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Dessert: Almond flour peach cobbler / carrot halwa with full cream, pureed dates and chunks of walnuts / nuts and dates no bake cookies / coconut and dates no bake cookies / home made sugar free custard ( sweetened with pureed dates or coconut palm sugar) (These are occasional - not everyday)<br />
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I have 1 cup of green tea, 1 cup of coffee and one cup of kefir every day. I add a few pieces of ginseng root in my green tea and a teaspoonful of cinnamon powder to my coffee every day. Turmeric has been part of my diet all my life. I also take a shot of fresh ginger juice and fresh lime/lemon juice every night.<br />
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The first things I noticed with going off grains - knee pain.....gone. I had developed a pain in my right knee for almost a year now that had been deteriorating. Bowel movements.......never been better. Sleep..... more restful and wake up fresh. Bloating...... gone. Cravings..... gone. Smiling......more. Irritable....less. Insulin dose.....reduced. Blood sugar levels......normal. I do not take any medication other than insulin and occasionally homeopathic remedies for any symptoms that may come up due to injuries or physical strain etc. I had been prescribed Statins and BP meds as part of management of diabetes and I requested my physician to let me wean myself off them and he agreed based on the fact that my blood sugars have continued to be within normal range for the last many years now. For those of us who understand the relevance of HbA1c levels - when I was first diagnosed the level was at 22.2%. Over the last 6 years (ever since I have been on the insulin pump) my levels are at 5.8% to 6.0% consistently. It means I have less chemicals going into my system and therefore less toxicity. My kidneys, heart, liver, eyes, peripheral nerves are all functioning like a normal 60 year old body. I am living proof that Diabetes can be managed and that food can be our friend if we eat and drink right. I know exercise is just as important, but I lead a very sedentary life and am not motivated enough to change that .... yet.<br />
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Changing my diet has not been difficult and the results only more motivating. It is as if I needed the change. My body gave me the message - fluctuating blood sugars; almost concurrently the Universe presented me with a solution - diet options; since my awareness is heightened I went with the solution. Instead of pumping meds for the pain and upping my insulin I changed what and how I eat and it worked to my advantage. Nutrition is a very important element of health care. I had given up all prepackaged processed foods and that had helped with an overall feeling of well-being. Eating grass fed meats and cutting out vegetable oils also helped and now replacing grains has taken it to a higher level of well-being.<br />
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Making choices with awareness and knowledge; being conscious of the effects of change; adjusting life style to ensure physical and emotional health, are all part of a well rounded life. I have learned how to adapt to change and not be set in my ways and I am reaping the benefits today. Change is a good thing and an integral part of life. Some change happens in a void and there are some that we choose to make. Results too are sometimes predictable and sometimes not, that is what makes life so interesting and embracing change gives us the opportunity to grow and to learn.<br />
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The one change I am unable to make - adding exercise to my life style. The Universe has not given me any signals that make that possible at this time. My blinkers are off - but ...... :)</div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-33802770515522899222017-09-25T18:17:00.000-04:002017-09-25T18:17:22.150-04:00Path to Healing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Pain and hurt is part of the path traveled by all. I have learned that there is no value in laying blame on others for the hurt I feel. On the other hand there is great advantage to taking responsibility for allowing the hurt. Therein lies the <b>secret</b> to healing. By responsibility I do not mean blaming oneself, but recognizing that for someone to hurt me I must have given them the <b>power</b> to protect my inner being, that should always be mine. Once you own up to this, you have the power to <b>heal</b> yourself.<br />
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Hurt can soften the heart so one can empathize with the pain of others. Hurt can, just as much, harden the heart and so can perpetuate the infliction of hurt to others. That is a <b>choice</b>. Perpetuating hurt leads to bitterness and unhappiness. Kindness and compassion lead to healing and joy. <b>Awareness</b> is key. Be acutely conscious that <b>hurting another</b> leads to a <b>mean spirit</b> that can isolate and be <b>self destructive</b>.<br />
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It took me years to acknowledge my hurt and pain, but before that I learned to be empathetic to others. Somewhere inside of me the pain that I did not acknowledge, softened me towards the world. It was on acknowledging the hurt, that I could award that same empathy towards the <b>child</b> within me. Then on, the healing came speedily. Along with the healing came <b>resolve</b> - a no-nonsense, non-negotiable strength to disallow others to hurt me. It is inherent within the healing process to have the power to <b>repel</b> hurt. Not just to ignore it but to strongly stand up and let your power be expressed.<br />
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Some may have believed that to be hurtful is their prerogative, but to ward off the hurt and refuse to hand over my dignity or my self worth is my right. One of the reasons I enabled hurt was because I considered the hurt felt by the other, if I was to not take the hurt, as unkind. Yes, that feeling is just as convoluted as the sentence. Yet, it is an overpowering weakness and needs active participation in the caring of ones soul to turn that around. Repel getting hurt without causing another to be hurt. Know that how the other feels is not important, it is whether you are coming from a place of love and understanding. I would never allow anyone to hurt my children, but I allowed the child within me to face that ordeal without check. As a matter of fact I never acknowledged the existence of that child in me.<br />
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So here is the path I took to healing:<br />
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1. Acknowledged that I hurt. Not being able to recognize a wound is dangerous. It took me years to acknowledge that I hurt.<br />
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2. Accepted responsibility for allowing the hurt. This did not come in a day. It took hours of self pity, anger, sadness, blame, shame, guilt, and tears to recognize that no matter what emotion I felt I came out weaker. It was then that I realized that the only way to overcome this negativity was to own my power - only I could reverse this. I stopped telling myself that I was hurting and instead told myself that the hurt was there and now it required my healing touch.<br />
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3. Looked myself in the mirror every day and said, "I love you," to myself. I wrote it on my phone screen, on my mirror, on my computer screen, on sticky notes on every door whether it was the front door or a closet door or a cabinet door. I told myself I was perfect the way I was. I reminded myself, that I was special - a gift to this Universe and deserved to be treated as such. Eventually I realized that it was true. I am special, I am a gift, I am worthy of my love, respect and care. Not only did this make me feel good, it also motivated me to continue to improve myself as a person.<br />
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4. Taught myself to balance kindness towards myself and others. I learned how not to sacrifice one for the other. I learned how to say 'No,' without feeling guilt. My spirit deserved to be free and open. If the other is unable to take my, 'No,' that is not on me. I learned how to express kindness from the heart - not because I felt guilty but because I am kind. Everything I say and do is from a wealth of joy and abundance. I can and so I do. Being able to offer love and empathy to others, understanding how difficult it is to heal, is an important part of self healing, and this same empathy towards myself is what heals me.<br />
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Being empathetic and giving towards others maybe 'noble.' To be kind to oneself without being self centered is essential. Loving others can deplete us if we are not loved ourselves. I have seen scores of women be bitter and indifferent as they age. These are women who have spent their entire lives being strong, and supportive until they stop wanting that role. I could not understand this change till I experienced it myself. It was as if I was depleted and had nothing left in me. I had lost the will to be. It was not that I was not loved and appreciated by my family and friends - because I was. Yet the emotional exhaustion was real. There was an emptiness that seemed to engulf me. This gaping hole that I could feel but could not express, depressed me. I reached the bottom when my husband was recovering from cancer. There came a day when I was overwhelmed with self pity. I did not care anymore, I felt complete indifference towards everyone. I had just helped my husband through a major health issue, he was still recovering and needed my attention, but something inside of me had dried up and there was no way I could continue. It took loving myself to refill that hole.<br />
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Healing requires introspection and self love. There is a need for silence and for solitude. Healing also requires a support system that is non-judgmental and non-demanding. I was fortunate enough to get all of that with my stint in Montreal and for that reason Montreal has a very special place in my heart. It was like a womb and it made me whole again. I have had many phases in the six decades when I have grown because of an unannounced life circumstance, and each time I have been deeply aware and appreciative of the lessons learned. This time is no different. This path to growth and healing is an ever evolving one and only after one lesson has been learned does the next one come along. I pray I always remain open to these lessons. The path to healing continues and with each day I love myself more. </div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-55752874388768212222017-05-09T10:57:00.000-04:002017-05-09T10:57:06.027-04:00What will I take with me?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
For the last 2 years April has been a month of deeper contemplation than the other 11. It was in April 2014 that my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer, operated on and has since been in remission. The 10 days he was in hospital were intense and spiritually revealing. It showed me the importance of silence and the power of personal strength. For the first time in my life I was aware that I was not being motivated by adrenaline - I was not in fight or flight mode. I was acutely aware of everything that was happening around me and I was acting accordingly. I was making decisions guided by something bigger than me. I was more attentive of what was happening around me because I was acutely aware of what was happening with me. That sense has stayed with me ever since. It humbles me to know that I was purposefully ignorant for a major portion of my life. Not that I know it all now, but that life event, has shown me that wisdom is infinite and life experiences are the tool that opens up the eternal library of wisdom. We only need the wherewithal to learn.<br />
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In this my seventh decade of existence I recognize that I have fewer years ahead of me than behind me. I have this moment and no guarantee that the next one will be upon me. This April I have spent thinking about my own death and what that means to me. What will I take with me on that journey from the world I know. Death means I leave everything of this material world behind. My family, my job, my home, my possessions, my writings - everything will most definitely be left behind. Right now I do not know how much longer I will live so I have no idea how long all of these are here for me to share and enjoy. In a generation I, this physical me, will be completely forgotten. That I existed will be a story told by those who will survive after me.<br />
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I do not know where I am going after death. My belief is that I will be reborn, but I do not claim to have any scientific proof of that. Yet, I would like to hold on to the belief that something of me will move on. I do not know where it will go - but science says that nothing ever comes to an end, it transforms. We also know that some qualities of the original form remains in the transformed form. Simplistically water came from being in a gaseous form and can convert to the solid form but the chemical composition of all three states remains the same. I believe that what gives life to this physical body is an energy that will transform or simply move out of this physical body and go somewhere. So what will that energy take with it?<br />
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This life cannot be without meaning. Even if some claim that my coming into existence is a coincidence, it is not purposeless. Nature shows us that we are all co-dependent. The trees, the soil, the waters, the air, the beings all serve some need of another so we can co-exist. That in itself is proof to me that I am for the benefit of some or all of us. If that is so, then what is it about me that is beneficial to this world? My answer is - it is what I do that benefits you. All that I do for myself comes from my dependence on something or someone else. It therefore is clear to me that what I do for other beings or to other things is my purpose. My actions - good or bad - that have impacted this natural world around me have left indelible marks on my Energy and these will leave with me. These actions have not changed my Energy but their effects are being carried and will remain with me. Some of my actions have borne fruit in my lifetime and may have been fully expended and converted into something else. Say I have hurt you and you still carry that hurt, then that energy has not yet been expended. If you have been kind to me and I am carrying that energy of kindness when you pass on, then that energy has not been expended and you will have taken it along with you.<br />
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With this thought in mind. I wish to ask for forgiveness for any pain I may have caused anyone at any time during this life. Please know that even if I may have had any intent to hurt, earlier in my life, I no longer have that in me today. I beg for forgiveness. If I have been good to you, I would like to thank you for giving me such an opportunity and suggest you move forward with the benefits you may have reaped and pay it forward. I want to say thank you for all the love and kindness I have received in my lifetime and let all know that I hold no grudges against anyone and do not intend to for the rest of my life here.<br />
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I am not intending to die soon - just that I want to have no loose ends when I do. I therefore, wish to express my love and my gratitude for this life that I am living. I want to be able to carry good karma with me so I can continue to be loving and grateful for eternity. If I am reborn that will mean bliss and if for some reason all of my babble above is not true and just my imagination at play - no harm done, right? Goodness is a good thing to take along and leave behind. :)<br />
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-10297187450796316722017-04-20T19:00:00.000-04:002017-04-20T19:45:09.701-04:00How to Break Out<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It takes time and awareness to recognize that we are being wronged. The veil of love and trust mixed in with fear and insecurity keeps the wrong doer and the wrong done concealed. We see it happening and maybe hope, it is 'just this once, after all no one is perfect.' Eventually we must admit that we were fooling ourselves and have been played. Stop right there and take a deep breath because the truth of the matter is - we reneged on taking care of the one person we should never neglect - this "ME." I know now, that everything I was taught about being selfless should have been predicated with 'but not at the cost of your own destruction.' A line must be drawn once we recognize that we are giving up on being tender and loving to our own spirit. A child does not have the understanding of the wrong being done, nor the power to change things. It takes self awareness, awareness of the outside world, and a lot of self love to eventually acknowledge and extricate oneself from the web that keeps us trapped <br />
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The shift from love, through hurt, anger, grief, and sadness, to self-love, is a mental pathway that we have to go through before we can come to forgive. It is a cathartic journey to forgiving oneself for giving away ones power. "How could I not have seen it?" "How could I have let it continue?" "Why did I not stop it?" "Why did I not walk away?" The questions don't stop and there are very few logical answers. There is one thread to the answer - we loved and trusted the other, but ignored our inner being. Spirit only witnesses - it does nothing more. The choice to care for it is entirely upto the smaller 'me', who looks outward till it reaches a dead end and only then thinks of finding answers within. No matter how much love and support your parents, spouse, children, siblings or friends give you - know that love for your Self is by far the most enduring you will ever have. I no longer believe in a personal God and to me 'God Loves You' means I have access to love within me. This is the Love that takes us to forgiveness and beyond.<br />
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It is within our power to stop letting others wrong us. It is possible to forgive the wrong doer, forget the hurt; but to not let the person hurt you again, make sure you recognize the attribute you have, that allowed the wrong to be done in the first place. Take the time to know yourself. The more you love the person, the more you will need to consciously love yourself. The steps needed to stop the abuse will come from that space of love for yourself. Each of us will handle it differently, but handle it we must. Some relationships break, others correct themselves, still others will constantly evolve but every abusive relationship requires that we have a strong sense of the One I, so we do not allow the abuse to continue and we do not propagate abuse.<br />
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We play an integral role in allowing abuse. This is not to say we are to blame, rather to say we do not recognize our own power. The abuse may stop once our power is manifest - if it does not, we must distance ourselves. Abuse is a reflection of the weakness of character of the abuser. It is not our responsibility to strengthen his/her character. It is however our duty to help those being abused to get their self-respect and their power back and that includes you, if you are being abused. If you have been abused be empathetic to others around you - own your hurt so you can feel the pain others are going through. Empathy requires us to acknowledge our own pain first.<br />
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It is important to know that abuse can be subtle and we get conditioned to it. Someone looking from the outside in, may see it right away, but if one is being abused it seems like normal behavior. This is truer when the abuse is from someone who is supposed to provide you with care, support, guidance, nurturing. A parent can be just as abusive as a spouse or a boss. It depends more on the power or authority one has over you. Abuse is also not gender specific. Men and women can both be abusive or abused.<br />
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Develop character, self confidence, self reliance and surround yourself with good people. Be honest with yourself. Be kind and loving to yourself. Be observant and if you have experienced abuse in any relationship be vigilant and learn how not to be. Teach yourself to say 'No.' You owe no explanation for saying it. Respect your instinct. If something hurts, it is because it is meant to hurt. If you place your hand in something hot, you instinctively know how to respond. Emotional pain brings on the same instinctive response and deserves to be acknowledged.<br />
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Be kind, empathetic, and aware towards all. Remember you are an integral part of 'all.'<br />
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-61572632309885116802017-02-10T13:49:00.001-05:002017-02-10T13:49:12.962-05:006 Decades Later<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Life has been an experience worth having. I generally do not dwell on the past, instead I tend to introspect and concentrate on the now. Today I would like to delve into my past - to take stock of how life has influenced who I am.<br />
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One vital lesson - the only constant is 'I am.' The predicate changed as I walked through life but all of those changes left the 'I am,' untouched. The little child has walked through 6 decades and now appears to be an old woman, but I still feel what the child felt then and through every experience she has been through since. The love, the joy, the fear, the desires, the sadness, the empathy, the envy, the anger, the indifference and more - are all there. I have learned how to process them, express them, absorb them or discard them - but the original feelings are all still part of this being because I am now, as I was then. Time has passed but the Being remains unchanged. I am unable to encapsulate that Being, unable to identify it in isolation and yet I must acknowledge its unchanging nature. Since I do, I necessarily must acknowledge it in everyone else.<br />
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Over time I have learned to be silent. Silencing the mind has taken much effort and innumerable hours of practice and every emotion that rises within me shakes that silence. I find that holding back on the words and reining them in opens a space within where the emotions and the thoughts converse between themselves and bring me to a peace filled silence. Conversely if I react outwardly while still in the realm of emotion the mind cannot find stillness with the same ease or peace. I have always filtered my emotions through thoughtfulness and then expressed the results in words - oral or written, but now there is no filter - expression of an emotion is an internal affair from which I come out with a perception and a lesson in meditative silence. Any expression of that perception brings a sense of calm and joy that is self glorifying. Keeping that glory under rein then becomes the struggle. This feeling of being somehow superior and exalted can overwhelm the silence and the mind takes over and disturbs the calm. A lot more effort is required to silence this sense of glory. Glory feels good and the mind wants to dwell on it. Deeper introspection, meditative silence, being kind to myself, bowing my head to that unchanging inner child - consciously and with forgiveness and humility, eventually brings the silence back.<br />
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I like being alone. I enjoy my own company. I read, write, do crossword puzzles, solve sudoku, work, meditate, and have very little time to socialize either one-on-one or on cyber space. I have brought idle interaction down to a bare minimum. I stay abreast of how loved ones are and what the current state of the world is, but I do not delve into details, nor do I choose to debate any issues. I respect the perspective of others, understand the 'other' side, and rethink my own opinion but I no longer have the need to be right or to be understood. There are no absolutes in the material world and spending time trying to bring consensus is futile. There will always be another point of view - and I respect that. I find this teaches me more about life. It opens avenues where thought wanders into to find its way into a deeper understanding of the material world and helps appease the curiosity that could otherwise shatter the silence.<br />
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The first many years of my life were spent in simple existence. Living life as it came. There was no sense of purpose. I was guided by what was happening around me fulfilling the roles that life was assigning to me. It was in my mid forty that this thirst to know more, the feeling of discontent, the urge to find passion and purpose seemed to take over. I was fortunate to have met some like minded women on the net during this time and we were all going through the same struggles. The journey to moving inwards and finding the Being in the inner depths began there with these ladies. I am still in touch with some of those beautiful souls and have them to thank for the circle of love that allowed us all to bloom.<br />
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In this 7th decade I continue this beautiful trip. I know I am closer to the end of life than to the start of this one and that death can strike anytime - like it could have for the last 6. Living in the now turns the thought of death into a moment. Here now - gone now. My desire is that upon my death my loved ones celebrate my living moments and so I continue to be better, do better, with love, passion, compassion and integrity - always. Many have touched my soul through this journey and some of them have passed away. Yet the bond I feel with them is palpable - my Being touching their Being - that unchanging One within each of us.<br />
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I bow down to you, the undefined you,<br />
The one who resides within me too.<br />
I feel your breath, I feel your touch,<br />
A fluttering feather I try to clutch.<br />
You were here and so was I<br />
You are gone and so will I.<br />
A new being is born today<br />
That same one in a new bouquet,<br />
And so we all continue on<br />
The day, the night, the dusk, the dawn<br />
Always seeking, yet in a whirl<br />
Till we find that elusive pearl! </div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-19365485790681920882017-01-17T19:11:00.000-05:002017-01-17T19:11:40.802-05:00The Weight of Silence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Words carry the weight of our thoughts. It is a good exercise to count how many times we say, "But that is not what I meant;" or "Just kidding;" or even "Oops, slip of the tongue." What we mean and what we say often conflict. We use terms like semantics to explain away the disagreement, yet once the words are out - they are embedded in the minds of those who hear them. We may choose to use the written word which are just as weighty, and find ourselves either back peddling or explaining our intent or our thought process.<br />
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We often 'say the wrong thing,' yet we must be aware that the person hearing us does not know so. If you try to explain or re-word what you first said the idea that if the words were spoken, there is a place in the mind where it exists, remains. "You have gained weight!" can be very hurtful to the person being addressed. It may be true but it is unkind to make negative comments about physical appearances. Saying, "I only said it because I worry about you," changes nothing. If you were worried, you would inquire about health before calling out the weight.<br />
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When what we say and what we do are incongruous, we lose credibility. Saying, ' I would never hurt my dog,' and leaving it chained outside in the bitter cold are incongruous. The words carry zero weight. The hypocrisy that otherwise may be hidden shines bright when someone talks about love, but lies to, neglects or disrespects another.<br />
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Apologies and explanations are never enough to cause words to 'un-sting.' It is best to develop the skills to filter our words on cue. My mantra is - I would rather be kind than right. I sometimes pay the price for being kind and get walked over by people who take my kindness for weakness, but it matters not to me. I know the importance of distancing myself from people who are disrespectful of me, and have learnt how to do so with compassion. I also know that I mostly attract like minded people.<br />
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Silence carries as much if not more weight than words. Silence in the face of disrespect or neglect says more than words ever could. Yet the right words must be spoken when we see injustice or evil, for then silence gives power to the wrong doer. Knowing what to say is important but knowing when to speak and when to stay silent is an essential part of our humanity. Words are not an attempt to change others, but a tool to raise awareness. Words we use must be well thought out. Hurtful words; words that assign blame; words that accuse or belittle are a waste and should be kept out of our vocabulary. Words must be used to reach into the hearts of people and bring out the best in them. Often times I read or hear something that prompts a response. If I do respond with the written or spoken word the peace within me is what makes room for the thoughts that must be expressed. I use my words with loving care, express them and let the thoughts enhance my inner wisdom and leave.<br />
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Silence and kindness are beautiful together. I find the urge to be kind grows the more silent I become. Silence makes space within my mind for peace to reside. Dwelling on thoughts becomes unnecessary. If I stay silent my response passes through me and widens the space bringing a little more kind understanding and eventually peace has more room to expand.<br />
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Words are my friend - they have been for the longest time. I enjoy reading and writing and over time I have learned to evaluate words by the weight they carry. Silence on the other hand is my guide - it lends its power to my thoughts, words and actions; brings me peace and affords me the time and the space to introspect and get to know myself more.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">'I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.' Khalil Gibran</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br />
<br /></div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-26501811775426158872017-01-13T19:09:00.000-05:002017-01-13T19:09:53.678-05:00Authenticity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Authenticity brings peace into everyday life. It makes for self-assurance
and self-worth. Honest folk admit they are imperfect and often work towards
perfection. People lacking authenticity feel weak and insecure on the inside. Society has
always been a bag full of people of both kinds. There is nothing wrong in being
imperfect – the problem morphs when we hide our imperfections. That is a sure
sign of deep rooted insecurities. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Insecurity, to one wanting to be authentic, is the perfect
opportunity to introspect and work through the issues so inner peace can be
maintained. Someone who is unwilling to work through the fear and insecurity,
will necessarily be dishonest. Imagine having to live with the inner conflict
of knowing what is right but doing what is wrong. Such a person can become cruel, bitter,
and cold. It is one reason being alone with oneself becomes an impossibility.
They will always be afraid of that dark corner because it is within them – a place
they dare not confront as it is filled with anger, shame, and guilt. It feels
like a festering tooth abscess. You feel the throbbing pain, taste
the rotting blood, and smell the putrefaction but smile through it all, hoping no one will notice. You know the smile is unreal but you cannot help but smile.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Visiting our insecurities and confronting them is
frightening – but only for the moment. The shame, the guilt, and the ugliness of those darkest
parts of our life hold us down and cause us suffering. Once we have worked through them though, we feel liberated. The fear of being
exposed seems insurmountable, but truth has the potential to release all the
negative energies and thus free us. Sometimes the material consequences appear
painful, but the inner strength authenticity gives us will not just see us
through this loss and pain but it opens horizons for the future we never
dreamed of. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An insecure childhood due to poverty, neglect, abuse, poor
parenting, abandonment, illiteracy, war, or anything else is not the fault of children with no tools to overcome the assault of their circumstances. It is
therefore easier to be led by bad experiences to mold our life. Yet,
as adults, it is within our power to change things and as a society we owe it to
each other to help work through our fears and insecurities. The challenge is in
recognizing these fears. Fear is expressed through our actions and our treatment of others and ourselves. When we as a people, normalize aberrant behavior we are choosing to lose sight of
these fears. The person demonstrating this behavior will justify it and express
their belief with free abandon and there is not much we can say or do that will
change them. People change only when they recognize the need to change. Often
this need comes when the burden of their actions overwhelms the original insecurity. If we can change ourselves, and share our experiences openly then others can emulate us and slowly we are surrounded by people on the same path.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To give up on people who are insecure and afraid is an act
of cowardice but to normalize their unnatural behavior is destructive. If after
trying to help the person through, you fail to get them to see their aberration,
it is better to be a coward than to accept their behavior and thus destroy them
from the inside out. Keep the door open for them to come back when they are
ready to overcome their fears so they know they are not alone. Don’t forget
being alone with shame and guilt is frightening. Once the person is ready for change, they
need to feel supported. Their strength will return but for the moment they will
feel defeated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Authenticity is about the truth, the whole truth and nothing
but the truth. It allows us to be who we are when we are alone or in company.
This company could be strangers, friends or family and we can be who we are no
ifs or buts. It is hard to be so authentic when we have built facades around
us, but these facades can be dropped layer by layer. With it is the need to
develop good morals and values that are based on non-violence, compassion, and
love – for oneself and for others. This balance is what good character is built
on. Character is a determinant of our destiny and gives us the courage
to face the consequences of our actions. That is what brings joy, inner peace, self-confidence,
and self-worth. We owe it to ourselves to be the masters of our own destiny and to never give the power of our own joy to others. To let others destroy us is to deny our self-worth. We are all worthy and we deserve to live so our worth is fully expressed. Let us introspect and identify our imperfections and let us examine how we are expressing these so we can move towards the perfection we have the potential to achieve. Let us help each other on this difficult journey. I am here for you and would like you to hold my hand too. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"When you feel a peaceful joy, that's when you are near truth." Rumi</div>
</div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-34742873259399829922016-11-21T16:38:00.000-05:002016-11-21T16:38:07.806-05:00How to Live an Independent Life - You can. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am an East Indian married woman, mother of two grown men. I have flirted with the dream of being independent but did not believe it was possible. My brother moved out of our home when I was about 10. My father passed away when I was 18. I met my now husband when I was 16. I always had male figures in my life that were my anchor.<br />
<br />
When my father died I did feel rudderless for some time, but by then I had a steady boyfriend. My father raised me to think that I could do anything and be anyone I wanted to be, but when he left the physical realm of my world I was not ready to believe I could. My husband on the other hand is a cautious man and slowly but surely I began to give in to his fears and his way of thinking. The only time my independent side truly shone through was when I had to guide my boys. I wanted them to be independent thinkers and doers. I encouraged them to make decisions and be willing to face the consequences of their actions. They have made mistakes, they have fumbled and fallen and I have stood by and watched - all the while agonizing for the pain they were going through. I made sure they knew I was there if they needed me - but never inserted myself into their lives uninvited. I gave guidance and I helped them make decisions (except when it came to a University education. That was a non-negotiable.). They chose which University they wanted to attend; what courses they wanted to take; what and when they wanted to eat; when they wanted to sleep, bathe, study, watch TV and who they wanted to befriend. They learned fast what was good for them and what was not. As teenagers when they went out with friends my only advice to them was, "Don't do anything I would not do." It backfired at times because they did some things I would not dream of doing, because they presumed I would. I enjoyed giving my children free reign to be who they are - but it was a vicarious joy. I remained dependent.<br />
<br />
Then in my late 50s life threw a curve ball and I was forced to live an independent life. An opportunity to turn dreams into reality. It was not easy, despite it being a freeing and fulfilling experience. I was a pseudo teenager - at 50+ I had the wisdom that life had given me but now I could also explore who I am when no one is watching, no one is depending on me, no one is waiting for me, I am waiting for no one. At first I felt selfish, guilty, unkind to be enjoying my freedom, but soon I recognized that this freedom should have always been mine. My husband had the freedom to move out of the home - and he did - for a job that he chose to take when the children were still depending on us for every need. I was expected to stay home and manage it all. If that was okay then - and it was - then my choice was okay now.<br />
<br />
How to embark on an independent life: <br />
<br />
<b>1</b>. Prepare your mind for it.<br />
<br />
<b>2</b>. Make sure you have the financial means to maintain your needs. This is not meant as an opportunity to splurge, so having just a meager source of money is fine. <br />
<br />
<b>3</b>. Make sure that relationships that value you know of your intent to do so. They do not have to agree with you, but an open discussion will give everyone an opportunity to address their concerns. It is a good exercise for you to examine your own resolve.<br />
<br />
<b>4</b>. Physically distance yourself from people you depend on or who depend on you. This does not have to be for very long, but anything less than a year will probably not be enough. It takes a few months for the novelty to die and then a few months to appreciate the beauty of unencumbered living. I did it for two and could have continued it - that is how much I enjoyed it. <br />
<br />
<b>5</b>. Do the things you have wanted to do but have held yourself back. This is a non-negotiable. No matter how hard it is to step out of your comfort zone - do it. <br />
<br />
<b>6</b>. Use wisdom as the guiding light on how to keep yourself safe and alive. Know your surroundings. Be alert. <br />
<br />
<b>7</b>. Become an independent thinker and don't depend on advice from loved ones to make decisions. Make mistakes. Fall. Fail. Get up, smile and move on. Life is a very short journey and can end without notice. Don't waste it waiting for an opportune moment.<br />
<br />
<b>8</b>. Go back to point 1. Now prepare yourself to remain independent in your mind. Recognize that it is your right to be free from the wishes and desires of others. You have the right to live your life your way even if you are surrounded by others.<br />
<br />
<b>9</b>. Walk away from those relationships that do not value your freedom. Get back together with people who value you and respect you for who you truly are. You may find you prefer to be dependent and that is fine too - but it must be your choice. You will see that dependence in a different light now.<br />
<br />
<b>10</b>. Make it a habit to live your life your way.<br />
<br />
Independence is a state of mind - this I know now. I have learned to say 'No' to things that I could not before - my mind would say, 'No,' but my lips would say, 'Yes.' Now I say what I feel. If you do not like it, I understand. I am not responsible for how you feel. I do not willfully hurt anyone, neither am I willing to hurt myself. I refuse to give my joy away simply because you will not be joyful.<br />
<br />
I am a changed person today. I appreciate myself more than I ever have and I no longer need the approval of others. I fulfill my own dreams and desires - just like everyone else around me. </div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-61707758234146173832016-11-03T18:08:00.001-04:002016-11-03T18:08:32.390-04:00I Remember<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<div class="MsoNormal">
As far as I can tell I had a great childhood. I defined it
by the love and care I received from my dad. I lost him when I was just 18 and
his memories to this date are of a man I loved dearly and who loved me in
return. My very early childhood is a blur. What I remember are stories I have
heard as I have grown but have very few memories of my own – except for some
involving my father. How I loved watching him tinkering with his Black Morris
Minor. He would open the hood, or jack up the car and go underneath it, or he
would be polishing it to a flawless sheen. I remember his stature – a big, tall
man with a straight back and his head always held high. He was by no means a
jolly man but when he smiled his eyes lit up and when he laughed he guffawed
with his whole body shaking. He was a disciplinarian and would have been
diagnosed as having OCD if he was with us today – everything had to be just so;
not a speck of dust was tolerated anywhere around him and he washed his hands
upto his elbows before and after anything he touched. He loved to read, enjoyed
good music, movies and theater. Oh yes – and he loved to gamble – lottery tickets,
a rupee or two on a race horse every now and again. He loved playing contract
bridge with friends during weekends too. Scrabble was his game of choice when
it came to board games.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My best memories are spending time with him after school
work was done. We would sit beside each other and read our own books or read to
one another from Reader’s Digest or from one of his Classic collections of Somerset
Maugham or Leo Tolstoy. He also had a collection of a magazine called Knowledge
and Encyclopedia Brittanica. He loved doing research on different subjects – he
loved to learn and was always a diligent student of life, of knowledge, of
people. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My father is my role model and my source of strength, of
wisdom, of joy and has always been my guiding light. As I approach my 6<sup>th</sup>
decade of life I can clearly see how much he influenced me. It was his presence
in my life that kept me positive during his lifetime and that influence has
lasted since, throughout my life. I wish he had lived longer for I believe I
did not imbibe everything I could have from him. I wish my children had had the
opportunity to meet their grandfather for in them I see a reflection of my dad
and it would have been great to see them together! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I know my Baba would have been as proud of me today as he
was during the first 18 years of my life. He would have loved to have spent
time with my family and that of my brother. He would have been an active
participant and an ardent admirer of all we have all done and achieved. I know
we would have all made him proud and he would be standing up tall with his head
held high – giving and receiving our love and admiration always. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love you Baba! </div>
</div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-26605499171119542272016-07-02T20:04:00.000-04:002016-07-02T20:05:18.135-04:00Mother<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">She personifies pure love, they say.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">A mother is a mother at the end of the day.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She loves whole heartedly</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Protects unreservedly,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Mother never gives up on your dreams,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Each time you win, her face is in beams.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She personifies wisdom, they tell me.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Mother knows you in and out, you see.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She will practice more than preach</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">For she knows that is how to teach.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Mother is always by you when you fail,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She will put you right back on the trail.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She personifies friendship, I am told.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">A mother knows when to no longer hold.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She is watching you, for sure, from afar,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Her love, her wisdom your guiding star.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Mother - in the background as she applauds,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Your goals, your medals and your awards.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Tell me y'all, is motherhood above humanity?</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She must personify strong character and integrity.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">She needs to love more than just her blood,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Someone who cares for all beings in this world.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Woman must first be a true human at heart,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Only then can she play a mother’s part.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">I know of women who are selfish and unkind.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Having children only to leave them behind.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">These women make not good mothers</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">They must grow up before they raise others.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Women, please love yourself as a whole</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Before you mother an untouched soul.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">The pain of a neglected child goes deep,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">The nightmares overtake adulthood sleep,</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
Some slip down a slope so steep</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
They tumble into an untimely junk heap.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
Child, raise yourself above the hurt</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
It can be done, just be ever alert!</div>
<div>
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-3719280847875956612016-01-06T14:30:00.001-05:002016-01-06T19:28:35.342-05:00Thank you, child!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night I watched a video about a young woman's gratitude towards her mother for all she had done. I see many posts on FB too about how important gratitude is and I understand the concept of it, but it jars me when I see this expectation that we as parents have that our children should be grateful to us for bringing them into the world, for raising them, for being there for them, for taking their tantrums and their rebellion. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wanted children for me. When we were planning our family not once did we say "We need to bring a child into this world so he/she can be born." Was I doing it wrong? I remember saying to my husband, "My life is incomplete if I cannot be a mother." I am therefore, grateful that my life was completed by the arrival of my children.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I raised my children for my own pleasure too. Yes, I did want them to be comfortable and I wanted them to feel loved - but that was just a by-product of my need to keep them happy and loved. It was about me! They filled me up. They were born from me and they gave me the opportunity to be a parent and feel accomplished and today I feel if only I had known some of what I know now, I would have done so many things differently. I did them an injustice by not educating myself enough about parenting and simply following instincts. I am fortunate that my children turned out as well as they did despite having me for a mother. They saw through my mistakes and acknowledged my love instead. For that I am grateful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To teach our children to be grateful we first need to show them the grace of being grateful to them for being amidst us. The gratefulness will come to a child who knows what being graced by gratitude is. We learn so much from our children - as much if not more than what they learn from us. The basics that we claim to teach them would have eventually come to them. How to put food in the mouth, how to walk, how to say Mom, how to bathe, how to clean after a bowel movement, how to dress - these eventually can be learned. We send them to school and educate them because we want to be considered good parents of successful children - wanting them to be successful for themselves comes much later. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From my children I learned about goodness, about compassion, about love, about joy, about guilt, about those butterflies in the stomach when they got on the bike for the first time or bungee jumped! I learned about weed and about computers and 3D movies and about the soul. I got to read amazing books and watch great TV shows & movies that may never have been part of my horizon if my boys had not been in it. I learned about dorms and about bullying and about watching ones child fail and letting them be. I learned to treat them as babies and as adolescents and as adults by watching how they adjusted to me as they grew older. Most importantly I learned to let go!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am fortunate to have two amazing sons. Very different from one another and yet perfect the way they are. They truly are my biggest joy. Then I have a beautiful soul as a daughter, thanks to my younger son who brought his wife into our family. I am learning new things from her and am grateful to her for teaching me about following through on ones convictions and doing so with grace towards those who do not have the same belief. For one so young she is wise!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So how about a video on parents showing gratitude towards their children? Anyone?</span></div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-30028242038104798142016-01-03T21:33:00.001-05:002016-01-03T21:33:27.757-05:00A Brand New Year!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Moving into January 1st 2016 was in no way different than say moving into March 21st 2012. Yet there is a lot of pomp and splendour like there is every year on January 1st. This year I decided to let it be. I wanted to figure out why there was the need to stay up to watch balls drop and confetti fill the air and fireworks light up the night sky. I have figured out that January 1st 2016 did arrive and all of the things that happen did happen and my non-participation made no difference. That is how insignificant we as individuals are in the larger scheme of things.<br />
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April 19th 2014 had immense significance for me. I let April 19th 2015 come and go without celebrating the 1 year anniversary of my husband's new lease on life. He was significant on that day as was I, the surgeons, nurses and nurse aides. That is the day that deserves the pomp and splendour because it decidedly changed the course of our lives.<br />
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We are social beings and follow trends to define the direction of some aspects of life, but with making every social trend so important maybe we are leaving behind our personal victories and celebrations, the ones that are significant only to us as individuals or maybe to a select few.<br />
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Both my husband and I have been changed by that one event and it continues to teach us something new about ourselves and each other. The lessons maybe small, almost insignificant, and sometimes we are blown away by them. It has opened our minds and taken us into spaces within that we did not know existed. We are closer today than we have been in a long time and it has nothing to do with physical presence.<br />
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As individuals we have both grown and that has taught us how to function as a couple. We have been connected for almost 44 years now and today we take each other less for granted than we did 20 years ago. The companionship that we share is something I was always afraid we would never have because we are so different. That fear came from thinking we needed to be similar to make good companions. Today I am celebrating our differences, I am appreciating his quirkiness, I am enjoying his uniqueness. Most of all I am celebrating me. I am no longer trying to align myself to him or getting him to fall in line with me. As an individual I am enough, I am complete.<br />
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I have changed as a person not necessarily because of his cancer but because that diagnosis, treatment and recovery pushed me into a direction that I would not have otherwise taken. The path I took led to major changes within me as a person. I discovered things about myself that were evident to many but I was completely blind to. Fortunately I had the unconditional love of my family - especially my very astute children - who helped me on this journey by being kindly critical and openly embracing. As for my significant other - I am in awe of the depth of this very simple hearted yet immensely complex man.<br />
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I wish every one a Happy 2016, but encourage you to also celebrate your special days - the ones that push you to grow, or to simply be.<br />
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-74529146552245483462015-07-01T12:43:00.000-04:002015-07-02T07:31:01.261-04:00Expanding World<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A decision about the rights of a section of society in one country causes a ripple that reaches into far off countries almost instantly. When a decision about the rights of a different section of society in the same country happened 50 years ago, I wonder how long it took that ripple to reach the same countries then. The world has expanded!<br />
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I have been watching the different reactions to the decision about the expansion of the scope of marriage and am trying to look 50 years into the future. We have a precedent where marriage between 2 races became legal and am sure there was much ado about that decision too, although living in India then, being less than 10 years old and not having television in the country I was completely unaware of it. I wonder if Akashwani even announced the decision on the radio waves that day so many years ago.<br />
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There had to have been proponents and opponents to that decision too and I wonder how they feel about their reactions today. Did it matter what they thought? Did their agreement or disagreement impact the world around them? How did the opposing groups interact? The decision to legitimize marriage between the races 'legitimized' the children who till then had no recognition. It expanded the world to include in its midst some amazing people, one of who is the President of the country that decided to expand the scope of marriage 50 years ago and now.<br />
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Many today are talking about what the next generation will be like with the decision that SCOTUS took to legitimize marriage between same sex couples and I am sure they have reasons to wonder and then there are those who look at this decision not in terms of sex, procreation, family, who are completely unaffected by the thought of the future generation. Yet we as a society must consider that children who come into this world do deserve our attention and understanding. We are responsible to ensure that our future generation is not unsafe, is not stigmatized, is not made to feel any less because they have same sex parents or because they may not be raised by biological parents. We need to expand our minds to be inclusive.<br />
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That is where love comes into play. It is important to recognize that societally and even biologically it may seem important that there be one male and one female parent for every child, but it is more important that the child be nurtured with love by the adults in their lives. There are many amongst us who have been raised by single parents, by adoptive parents, by extended families, by strangers - who have grown to become balanced adults. Then there are amongst us those who have been raised in a conventional two parent home and are not as balanced. There is a need for us to acknowledge that even though the family unit is vital it is not everything. As a human race we need to value oneness - with each other and with our environment. For something or someone to be right something or someone different does not have to be wrong. When change is forced upon us it is because we resisted change in the first place. Change is an integral part of life and growth. Some changes may require fine tuning and even overhaul, but opening ourselves to the challenges that even a single change could bring and tackling those challenges with the acumen we inherently possess, is what enhances our humanness.<br />
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It is maturity that allows us to give ourselves the time and the space to reflect on the perspective of those directly affected by this latest decision. 'Straight people' needs to be left out of our vocabulary because it automatically segregates us! Should it matter that two adults choose to be happy together in a relationship that gives them the same rights that two other adults who make a similar choice have? Let us instead turn inwards and see how to become better as a person, how to make this world a better place by our own thoughts and actions, protect those who are unable to protect themselves, serve those who we know need our attention now. There will always be challenges and these will continually change like everything else changes. Living in this moment in the now and working at being the best we can as a people today is what will make the world a better place tomorrow. The creases and folds in the fabric that is our world will always be there and some will iron them out and others will keep creasing and folding, that is the nature of life itself. Each of us may be a small section of the thread that this fabric has been woven with, but it is the tenacity of each section of thread that ensures the fabric endures. Let us be strong, let us strengthen each other with all that we have to offer. Let us not beat the opponents, let us not beat the proponents, instead let us look at how we can contribute to ironing out the challenges that may arise, let us celebrate our differences, let us hear and let us be heard. Every opinion is important and not necessary we have to be in agreement with them all. Harmony only requires active acceptance not agreement. Music requires different notes to be in harmony. If there is only one note it soon becomes meaningless sound.<br />
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The world may appear smaller because of technology but it has expanded because we have grown intellectually into a species that does not stay within boundaries. We are a species that has mastered the art of turning dreams into realities. Growth has an exponential pattern and unless we give ourselves the freedom to embrace it, we will be left behind in lifeless rubble. If we self destruct I would rather do it with an expansive, all embracing bang! :)<br />
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-10175196807960730822015-06-28T13:47:00.000-04:002015-06-28T13:47:14.464-04:00Thank you once again!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Another milestone reached today - 7500 views.<br />
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This is a blog I started to share the experience of silence and the wealth it brings. I do not know if this blog means anything to anyone else, but to me it is my place of peace. I enjoy reading what I have written before and to compare it to my experience at the present. Often I am surprised at my own writing - not because it is good or bad, but because I am not sure where it came from. I write not with a pre-plan. I feel the urge to write and I simply let my thoughts express themselves through my fingers rather than with my tongue. :) I am a writer, not a talker.<br />
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Silence has brought me joy and an awareness of myself, my environment, other people, different perspectives and a deeper understanding of life in general. In silence I am not running the rat race, rather I am watching it and learning how to be and how not to be. Over time I can see that it is not circumstances that change my viewpoint or decision - it is the awareness of who I am that directs me. I may do or say something that is out of character but if in retrospect I see that, it is not difficult to correct myself and get back on track again. I have learned to value my emotions and feelings and direct them to improving myself as a person. Each day I ensure that I live by the edict of being kind rather than right. I respect myself and others and if push comes to shove I always stand by the underdog. Sometimes life decisions may be good for many but bad for one and such decisions have to be made, but even those can be made with empathy.<br />
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I have one hole in my life and it comes from a very personal spot that I am unable to share publicly - simply because it would be hurtful to others. Only my soul mates - and I have a handful of them - are aware of it and help to fill that gap with love and understanding and it is because of silence that I was able to identify and deal with it.<br />
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This blog is definitely my place of peace. Thank you for visiting and I would love for you to comment on my writing, share your views, your stories, your thoughts. </div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-85287620236873397602015-06-14T18:59:00.000-04:002015-06-14T18:59:46.575-04:00Gratitude<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"Thank you for the world so sweet;<br />
Thank you for the food we eat;<br />
Thank you for the birds that sing,<br />
Thank you God for everything."<br />
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That was a prayer we said at lunch when I was in school.<br />
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Saying 'Please,' 'Thank you,' 'My pleasure,' 'Sorry,' were taught as 'good manners,' then. That was the ABC of the words. As I grew older I recognized that these are more than good manners. They are what opens the window to knowing oneself. Gratitude, empathy, humility, grace, and more are what the words relay.<br />
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Lessons we are taught as children often stay at the 'kindergarten level' with many of us. In reality everything we learn as children need to be re-learned as we grow older so we get age appropriate lessons.<br />
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I was taught to pray before exams and so I did. I even believed that all that was really needed was to pray and all would go well at the exams. In my innocent mind studying was secondary. I read, wrote and did math because I liked to. The exams I passed because I prayed. If I did not fare well, it was because I had not prayed hard enough. Very soon though, I came out of that reverie. For many years I prayed knowing fully well that it was just to be a 'good girl,' in the eyes of others. Prayers had little meaning for me. I even went through spiritual initiation to find out 'what it was all about.' I chanted and said prayers, read holy books, all with the intent to know more, never quite able to figure it out till years later.<br />
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It is the same with every life lesson I get. There is something much deeper than the superficial 'event' that I go through. Every event is a lesson that teaches me about myself. My spiritual journey - the path that takes me towards my inner being. I do not know what that inner being is. All I know is that I experience 'aha' moments multiple times in a day - if I keep myself open to the experiences. Some days, though, I live life moment to moment by rote and only recognize lessons in retrospect.<br />
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Gratitude is a lesson I learn and draw from every day. Being grateful keeps me joyful, satisfied, in abundance, and wanting to share the abundance. I thank people all the time, not because it is good manners, but because I am grateful for the grace that makes my life as beautiful as it is.<br />
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A prayer taught in school that simply heralded the lunch break, now means so much more. Thank you, for everything. :)</div>
Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-75317737196709587422015-06-13T20:06:00.001-04:002015-06-13T20:06:56.196-04:00Impatience<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Impatience can bring stress and negative results. I got a glimpse of that this week.<div>
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A customer was very upset and disappointed with one of our service reps and wanted to cancel doing business with us. Someone who has been a client for over 5 years now. To me that was an indication of poor customer service and I took it upon myself to successfully bring the customer back. </div>
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His service was to be restored yesterday. I kept an eye on it and was fully cognizant of the fact that the work would be completed yesterday, but did not have a definite time line. The customer called me over 10 times during the day, wanting me to give him a time line and every time I told him it would happen - he just needed to give it a chance. Eventually around 4:00 PM he called very upset and said, "Cancel the order!" At that point I decided it was simply not worth trying to reason with someone who was not willing to understand that when we have to depend on others to get a job done it requires us to give up control. I did not cancel the order as I wanted to see when the job would be completed. Sure enough about 20 minutes after his call the service had been restored. I called the customer simply to tell him that he could use the service till he got new service and that we would not charge him till such time - a few days. He refused to hear me out and said, "I already have new service." I was more than taken aback. How could he already have acquired new service? But I still asked, "Then I can go ahead and cancel as per your request, right!" </div>
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His response, "Yes go ahead and cancel," still quite rude and short.</div>
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So I canceled the service.</div>
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15 minutes later he calls, "I don't have the service anymore?"</div>
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"The new service?" I asked.</div>
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"Yes, what did you do?" he says.</div>
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"You would have to ask your new service provider that," I said. "I canceled your service with us as you requested."</div>
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"No, I asked you to cancel the order, not the service," he shouts back.</div>
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Huh? </div>
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Too late! </div>
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Now if he wants our service it will take another 5 to 7 business days! What an absolute waste of time and energy. Patience and the willingness to depend on those who do the work, would have meant he and his family would be surfing the net today. :(</div>
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I guess the real reason he was canceling was not poor customer service after all. :)</div>
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-36395058667888960542015-05-24T11:44:00.000-04:002015-05-24T11:44:46.496-04:00One Step Forward<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Two young ladies from India who work in Hyderabad got married in San Fransisco - to each other. Gay or lesbian marriages are not legal in India. The young ladies have been a couple for 8 years now and this simply was their way of letting the world know they are committed to one another. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I read the news and had mixed feelings. I am ashamed to have to admit it, but for a moment I thought this was a let down for the Indian community. Then I stopped to reprimand myself. Let down? Did I somehow harbor the idea that the Indian community is superior and so ‘such things’ do not happen within our community? Was that the level of my acceptance of gay and lesbian relationships? Was it because I was distant from it?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am almost 60 and have seen so many revolutionary changes and have prided myself for being a well-read, educated, compassionate, accepting person. I have often said, “I am spiritual.” “I believe in kindness over rightness.” I have consciously lived my life trying to be a better person everyday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today is one such day when I have to consciously examine myself and my values to expel the bigotry I demonstrated when I heard about the two young women who chose to honor love! I was raised at a time in a place where the word gay only meant happy and the word lesbian was not on my vocabulary radar. As I aged and moved around the world and was exposed to the reality of love and relationships the word gay went from being a ‘bad’ word to a controversial one and eventually a word that meant love! I believed that is where I was till I read the news and realized that my ‘acceptance’ of the word and the people who celebrate same sex relationships was really just a limited tolerance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thank you Shwetha and Smruthi, today you have helped me close the circle and expand my horizons of acceptance! Today I congratulate the two of you and wish you joy and togetherness always. I am a married woman and am aware of the ups and downs that two people living together face and overcome. It takes effort, an open heart, an acceptance and tons of love especially during the low times - from both. It requires each to recognize the strength and the weakness of the other and to always hold each other up. Marriage is about being tied together and yet being individuals. A committed relationship is a dance that is both dynamic and explosive and yet flows like dancers on stage - within boundaries and yet free, sometimes intertwined and sometimes dancing at a distance on the same stage! There are no half measures between two people who have promised to remain successfully committed - you are all in or you do not belong together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One more step towards being a more accepting person - well done Basabi, even if I say so myself. </span></div>
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-28199864203301221522015-05-09T13:05:00.000-04:002015-05-09T13:05:06.060-04:00Forgive Abuse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abused, hurt, ill-treated, neglected, oppressed, insulted, even killed - the pain does not ever go away. Once hurt has been done it cannot be undone. To demand restitution, justice, punishment is natural but if we want to live a positive and purposeful life, we must forgive. Forgive not the wrong done, but the wrong doer. Absolve not the wrong doer but ones own negative emotions, to make way for healing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abuse can happen to anyone - it may be intentionally done to one or it may be out of ignorance. It is not always that abuse is done by one person. It may be perpetrated by an entire community. Once it has happened one must consciously go through the process of eliminating the perpetuation of that abuse to oneself and to others. One must learn from abuse - learn how not to be. To learn that, acknowledgement that abuse happened, grief at the hurt and eventually forgiveness must happen. We are a species with the ability to reason and the good fortune to make choices. We may choose to be bitter and stay in the pain and fear phase forever. We may also choose to consciously forgive and come out of the pain and the fear and live a authentically loving life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The pain phase is destructive. It destroys our ability to open up and grow. We are afraid and so build a wall around us. We are angry and so build a wall around us. We are sad and so build a wall around us. We are revengeful and so build a wall around us. The more walls we build the more disconnected we become. The more disconnected we become the more judgmental we become. The more judgmental we become the more hateful we become. The more hateful we become the more destructive we become. The more destructive we become the more abuse we render to those around us and the cycle continues. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forgiveness is freeing. It destroys our ability to be abusive. Forgiveness does not take the hurt and the pain away - it gives us the ability to take the negative emotions and empathize with oneself and with others. It humbles us as it demonstrates how fragile we really are. It teaches us to love and respect oneself. It teaches us to actively protect oneself from future abuse. It teaches us to choose the right people to be around. It teaches us to walk away from the abuse. It teaches us to be connected with ones inner being, to respect intuition. It teaches us to recognize abusive behaviors in oneself and others and it gives us the choice to stop the cycle of abuse. Most importantly it teaches us that love does not mean accepting the abuse but it means accepting the person as abusive and distancing from that person to protect oneself and the abuser from greater harm. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forgiveness brings peaceful consciousness. Conscious living is vibrant and beautiful. It raises our level of awareness and makes us dynamic and inclusive. It makes life more enjoyable because the approval of others becomes irrelevant. It makes us conscious of how people see us but it has no effect on who we are and what we do. We learn from our mistakes and those of others because we acknowledge mistakes as a stairway to upliftment. Forgiveness gives us strength and allows us to embrace life with an energy that is often elusive to those who choose to live in pain and fear. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fear and pain are choices we must stop living by. They weaken our spirit, destroy our potential. There is always circumstances that will cause us to be hurt and afraid. We cannot control those circumstances, but we can choose not to let the pain and fear overpower us. We can choose to live with a soft dignity. Forgiveness is the choice of lovers. I am a lover of life. </span></div>
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4471537853509668099.post-4386866784287659132014-12-07T10:57:00.000-05:002014-12-07T10:57:19.226-05:00Journey of Doubt<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Doubt is a curse that we bring upon ourselves. We only enhance that curse when we begin to believe that our unfounded doubt is the truth, because then we go out of our way to establish that the doubt is nothing but the truth.<div>
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Doubt arises either when we refuse to believe that man is inherently good or when we have been fooled by many often. I would rather be fooled by some people than doubt everyone around me. I choose to believe in the goodness of my brethren - until I have proof positive that they have done evil. Also, one evil or wrong done does not make the person evil. I refuse to judge the entire life of a person on one wrong-doing. At the same time - given the opportunity to do good, if one continues to do wrong, I will and do distance myself. I choose not to hate, but I find it very difficult to like such a person, because when I think of him/her it brings out the negative in me and a lot of my time is wasted in trying to counter that negative.</div>
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I deal with doubts by questioning my personal motive first. What is the payoff I am getting by giving credence to the doubt? If there is a payoff, (and more often than not there is one, I am ashamed to admit) then I become vigilant and make sure I stop entertaining the doubt. If there is no payoff for me then my next question is what reason do I have to doubt? Is it someone else's doubts that I have chosen to take on, or is it something I myself have seen? If it is someone else who has doubted then too I am vigilant and is reason enough for me to remove the doubt. If it is something I myself have seen then I move forward to verify the veracity of my doubt and take care that until I can confirm that the doubt is true, no wrong has been done. The human mind is vibrant and can override every logic if allowed to do so. The mind can show us what we want to see if we let it. It can blind us to the truth unless we control its velocity. We have the power to control our thoughts and be a witness to our mind. Silence, meditation, contemplation and above all acceptance of the imperfection within us all, gives us the necessary control that is the key to our innermost peace and outward harmony. </div>
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We are all here with a purpose and I constantly remind myself that my purpose is unique and I am unique and if I stay on course and never lose sight of my goal nothing can take me away from it. My purpose in life is to bring joy and peace into the lives of those I touch. My purpose is to be a source of love - for myself and for those around me and so no matter what it is I do or say it must come from a space of love. I do not have a material purpose, I am not here to possess things or to give away things, but I am here to ensure that my interaction with people brings no pain, no hurt, no ill-will. For that to happen I must trust, I must have faith and I must love unconditionally. Doubt is counterproductive in my life and so I choose to treat it with only as <span style="font-size: xx-small;">little</span> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">respect</span> as it deserves. :)</div>
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Bubu Nandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15434263759048760752noreply@blogger.com0