Responsibility

Bookstore

Late in 2010 I read about a large, renowned on-line retail bookseller selling a book written by a self-confessed child molester. The subject of the book was how to indulge in what is immoral and perverse. There was a furore amongst the public and a demand that the book be removed from the bookseller's site. The bookseller in turn slated such removal as censorship which according to them was not their responsibility. Thousands of customers joined forces and boycotted the bookseller, canceled memberships and soon after the company removed the book from the site. Many customers chose to go back to using the site and continue to make purchases through them again. I choose not to.

That incident has stayed with me as an example of how groups of individuals can abdicate responsibility by passing the buck to another. Maybe censorship is a big deal for the bookseller and so that was their first thought, but I truly believe that all the rules, regulations, institutions in our world should not rule over basic human values. This retailer probably refuses many authors for various reasons, was there really a reason to say yes to this one? Freedom of speech is a right of all, but that freedom abused cannot be a right. There must necessarily be a line that is determined not by written rules rather from our basic respect for one another as human beings. The innocent, the marginalized, the oppressed need us as individuals and as communities to protect them with every cell of our bodies. No one needs to know how to molest a child! The two words, 'child' and 'molestation' do not belong together. For me that is a no-brainer and yet the author gave an interview justifying writing the book to protect the children from harm. In his mind there is a 'humane way' in which the act may be performed. That can only come from a deranged mind. Such a person needs to be kept under surveillance because his thoughts are against basic human values.

When the top executives of an organization can justify the selling of such a book - they are not deranged but are calculating the profits and have shut off one side of their brains so as to let the other side do its job.

Two sides of the brain

Their brains are in an imbalance and this imbalance is rampant in our society today. The analytical side of our brain has placed a spreadsheet with a set of columns with specific headings and formulas, smothering our sense of values so thoroughly that our morality has become subservient to the glitter and glamour of materialism. This is evident when we see who we look up to as role models today. The ones with big homes, multiple luxury and sports vehicles, tons of money with faces and bodies that have completely lost their originality. We emulate celebrities by bragging about wearing clothes or jewelry that a star wore at an event, or one by a designer who caters to a celebrity. We are excited if we are in the presence of an athlete of a major team or a movie star. What is it about them that we admire or aspire to emulate - their name, their fame, their money, their lifestyle? None of these define them. We know very little about the real person within. Yet their outer persona is our ideal. These ideals only take us further away from our own personal humanity and divinity.

As individuals, communities and organizations our social responsibilities are multifold. They do not begin with donating a few bucks to charities or supporting a cause - that is a very small part of social responsibility.

Some Responsibilities

Our responsibility begins with being good human beings who care about the self, family, friends, neighbors, other people, other creatures, our environment, our earth, nature and our collective existence. When we consider this collective existence as an extension of us and us as an integral part of the whole, then and only then can we be truly charitable.

Sharing

Then it is possible to share what we have and gracefully be part of what others share with us.







I choose not to go back to the bookseller even though their repertoire is bigger, their prices are lower, their customer service is second to none - all great business qualities - but I hesitate because I doubt their integrity. If they can so easily compromise the well-being of children, they undermine their social responsibility and I prefer not to do business with those who may abdicate from their duty that demands they make this world a better place by responding to their inner truth and not only to their pocket-book.We need to slow down and take stock of who we have become as a race and champion change, be the change. Value the truth, measure the people we associate with and learn both how to be and how not to be.

Make a pledge to give up one action or habit today that is immoral or unethical but outwardly profitable so we can turn our own life inward and find that spark that takes us to a higher plane. As the human race, let us recognize that our existence is in jeopardy if we continue to compromise with our own humanity. It is my responsibility to increase the level of humanity and the only way I can, is by being more humane myself.

Concession vs Compromise

I just realized I have been misusing the word 'compromised' - I have always 'conceded!'

Be happy about it :(

Life has been a series of concessions. Give in, be happy about it, and proud of myself. I am not sure why I chose to fool myself this way. Maybe it is because I am a woman and an East Indian woman at that, who needs to consider everyone else's needs before my own. I never thought about my truth. Even as I write this I can feel the hesitation about being blatant regarding what I really want to say. It may hurt some people in my life. This, though, has nothing to do with anyone else. It is how I have treated myself. No one asked me to concede. I could just as easily have stood my ground, but chose not to.

I am queen!

My father, who is still my only real hero, always told me that I could be me and achieve anything I wanted to. Unfortunately I only had him actively in my life for 10 years. I took his lesson to heart and passed it on to my sons, but never really imbibed it myself. I live in this make-believe world where I am queen of everything and everyone around me, but in reality I simply hand my power to anyone who asks for it and pretend it is in my best interest too. It never is, I end up giving a part of me away.


There is no way to get the power back, as once given away it cannot be recovered. The power is inherent and I need to learn to use it wisely by drawing from my deep sense of self worth and self awareness. Over the years I have learned so much about myself and each discovery has surprised me, since what I thought was the right way to be, was harming the real me. Insidiously I self inflicted pain while vicariously celebrating the joy of others. For fulfillment life must be balanced. The joy of others is just as important as ones own joy. There is a joy in seeing others happy but to truly appreciate that joy one must nurture and respect ones own passions too.


I have given up careers for the welfare of family. It is not the giving up of careers that I am concerned about, it is the expectation that I should and would, that is the problem. To go from being a physician to an accountant to a home-maker because of the needs of my family have taken a toll. Being versatile is a great asset, but it also means shutting ones passion off. I am a healer - I believe I have the skills to help people who are ill. I am a writer - I can express my innermost experiences through the written word. I am not an accountant, nor am I an administrator, though I did well while I held these positions at work. When I ease the pain of another I feel complete, when I balance the books I feel........ job completed. No work is right or wrong, but how I feel doing the work is important and I feel rewarded when I help ease the pain of others and joyous when I write. I do not need to earn money doing these - I almost feel dirty using these as a means to an end, but the economics of family life has required me to sell my skills for a price.

Priorities are better aligned! :)

Today as I face another challenge in life I am wondering what I will be called upon to do, and how I will handle it. I know better and I should handle it well. I will go within me to find the answers and not accept what the materialistic world outside is demanding of me. Life priorities are better aligned now. I can truly compromise if the need arises, but I need not concede.

Struggle

Difficult times visit us all as we go through life. Pain, struggle & heartache are always intertwined with pleasure, joy and jubilations. Just as we open ourselves to what brings pleasure we need to learn to open ourselves to what brings pain and do so fearlessly. Both will pass, since both are transient.

Fear only makes pain more pronounced and perpetuates more fear. The challenge lies in dealing with fear. Fear is an overwhelming emotion that affects our capacity to think rationally. Deep breaths and a conscious effort to overcome the fear is essential and constructive. The question, "What is the worst that can happen?" gives us answers that can be equally frightening, but may help quell the fear. 

Simply answering the question is never enough. We must find solutions to overcome or combat that worst case scenario by gathering more information, soliciting advice, discussing the problem and taking necessary action. This process gives us the feeling of being in control and of knowing more, some things that do help to dispel fear.

Sometimes the answer to the worst that can happen maybe as drastic as "I could die" or "so-n-so could die." Well if I could die then I need to ensure that those I leave behind do not undergo hardships due to things I may have neglected and so I could expend my energy in dotting my 'i's and crossing my 't's. If so-n-so will be gone, I need to develop a plan to cope. Often times, though, that is not the answer to the worst that can happen and finding things to do to help dispel the fear is much easier and the process itself helps ease the overwhelming fear.

Struggle is what teaches us important life lessons. Often if we stay aware and have foresight and the skills to make decisions by using the what-if method we can avoid the fears that bad times bring into our lives. To develop these skills requires a calm mind and an awareness about ones infinite potential.

Rat race!!

Constant rat races make it impossible to give the mind the rest it needs to be calm.

Nature Walks

Having a calming hobby like gardening, painting, running, nature walking or being in the habit of meditating, listening to soft music, caring for pets, gives us the opportunity to get in touch with our inner self.

Caring for pets.

Always looking outwards tires the mind. As humans we have the capacity to calm our mind ourselves. Just a few minutes a day of coming in from the rat race of life gives us the opportunity to ratify and strengthen the belief in our inherent potential to achieve what seems impossible - inner peace. Not that calming down is enough - from that calmness comes the capacity to develop skills that helps call on the inner strength to overcome fears and make intelligent life choices.

Struggle can break you if you do not develop the capacity to deal with it, but it need not. Look around at people, you can be sure that each has had to deal with struggles, some have stood on the back of it and grown to be better, stronger more compassionate people and then there are those who have cowered down and given up on themselves and stopped growing or being productive. There is a method to overcoming hardships and it is possible to learn the skills. Don't ever give up, find answers, take action and do it with confidence. Every life event will pass.

Let's have some fun!

Online Surveys & Market Research

 We are all looking to be happy. Lets develop a pathway that can take us there, together. First let's define happiness, though. It is different for each of us. There is no wrong or right answer, so simply lets say what we feel and take it from there. Any suggestions that will help us define happiness will be greatly appreciated. :) So let's go!

You are Divine

Man is the human manifestation of divinity. Therefore the potential to behave divinely is inherent in each of us. We are capable of portraying everything that is good and productive. Our power of speech is a way for us to express our inner strength and quality, just as much as our actions are. When we align our actions and our words we have the best opportunity to portray our true self.

As I read, watch and hear about the events all around the world I sometimes wonder if somehow, somewhere we humans decided that knowing or manifesting our divinity was not worth it. Then perchance I meet someone or read about someone who is a true reflection of divinity and realize that it is not the world that is not aligned - it is I! I choose to give my sight, my ears, my mind to the negative influences and in the process lose sight of this divine world!

FB, e-mails, news, TV serials, movies, and more is a perfect platform to showcase what is beautiful and yet 90% of the time there is either negative or even useless nonsensical topics being showcased! I wonder why news about a movie star gaining weight after childbirth is a topic of discussion? Why? - because people are watching, reading, listening to and discussing it. The days on which I am less in touch with people and media and more in touch with myself I find myself appreciating ever aspect of every experience! All around me there is no lack, only opportunity; there is no failure, only striving for success; there is no evil, only an attempt to do good. 

I am part of an organization that is raising awareness about the plight of the poor in India and it heartens me to see that more and more of such organizations are cropping up and that many, if not all, are honestly tackling different aspects of life that make it possible for those less fortunate to change their lives one day at a time! Yes money is tight and yes many family and friends are not helping out - but the few who are helping are making a positive impact. It is not about quantity - are we changing the life of 5000 or of 5 is not what matters - what really matters is that the 5 we are serving are doing better and have more opportunities! They will successfully walk out of a lack-centric life into an opportunity-centric one! Would it not be better if we could help 5000? Sure it would but let me not lose sight of the fact that each person is the microcosm of the Universe and when one small change happens it impacts us all - including me!

I know of a young man who was determined to be a successful business owner and struggled hard for many years only to lose a lot of money and time in the process of ‘settling down.’ But the life lessons he learned in the span of about 8 years has made him a better, stronger, more balanced person than when he began the journey. There was no failure there - for even if he did not reach the goal of owning an island at 30 - he has recognized that his richness comes from his capacity to be happy from the inside out! His material dreams may have shrunk - but his joyfulness and his capacity to care has given him a taste of success that is clearly visible to me! 

I see stories about social injustices by powerful people and they are horrific. It is unfortunate that so many of us are suffering at the hands of unscrupulous people - but there are many amongst us who stand by others and fight against injustices! It is because we have lost touch with our inner self that many do not stand up for what is right. We as parents and the older generation owe it to our next generation to re-connect with our inner being and bring out the best from within us! We preach goodness to our children but we do not practice goodness. When we see an injustice we walk away - we have to be responsible for the world becoming a more prosperous compassionate one - and the only way to do so is by getting involved. We have to broaden our outlook - we have to think of more than me and mine - only then will we leave an even better world for our children and grand-children. We owe it to them! The bad influences are there but they instigate the good to act too!

This is a beautiful world and the more we look at what is bountiful, what is good, what is beautiful the more we will surround ourselves with abundance, goodness and beauty and the better this world will be. With it though, we must also share this abundance, this goodness, this beauty by expressing gratefulness, generosity and gentleness. It is inherent in us to be divine and it does not take much effort to be so. A smile, a kind word, a helping hand is all it takes!

Childhood Impressions!

Childhood leaves a lasting impression. Often times these impressions happen subconsciously and we are so entangled within the throes of its results that we cannot differentiate it from life itself.

I was born as the youngest of three children in what I considered a loving home. I am now in my mid 50s and have consistently claimed to have had a very happy and fulfilling childhood. Little did I realize that there was much in my childhood that I had chosen to block out of my memory. I may not remember the challenging parts but those events have definitely impacted me too and have played a major role in how I live life today. I live life wanting to improve my ways. I like contemplating on what I say and do so as to judge myself and consciously make an effort to be a better person. I am far from perfect and I am constantly learning from my own mistakes and improving on my better aspects. I am a loner, I like my own company, I enjoy listening without being heard, I enjoy observing without being seen, I enjoy serving without being acknowledged.

The more I contemplate on who I am now - the more I feel one with myself. I hardly identified with the physical me in the past. There was a distinct divide between me and my body and I think this comes from being more or less in the background for the first eight years of my life. I don't believe I was purposefully ignored or not cared for - but I was definitely not a priority. How I imbibed that aspect of my childhood and what impression it left on me is secondary simply because I cannot change what happened then. What I am now teaching myself to do is to care for myself in the now, to make me a priority for myself, to love every aspect of myself, to identify with me as a whole. This is new to me. For years it was the intellectual me that I identified with. All other aspects branched out from me the reader, the writer, the researcher, the listener, the consultant, the counsellor. It was as if the emotional and physical aspects of me were just to support that me. This separation was not obvious but I know now that it was definitely there. I flourished and was joyful when I was thinking, helping, serving, reading. My health, my fitness, my physical makeup or my emotional involvements were simply offshoots.

Being invisible to oneself is hard to comprehend for those who see themselves in the mirror and recognize themselves. I did see my reflection but never connected with it. That image was not me - it was never the person I was in touch with. My image was non-physical. Not that I saw someone more important or more anything. To me I was a dark skinned - because that was what I was told - intelligent person. When my good friend first told me I was beautiful I smiled - 'she was just being kind,' I said to myself. To me I was a featureless, dark but intelligent person - physical appearance had no place in my image of me.

Childhood impressions can last an entire lifetime. I am fortunate to have recognized and acknowledged it as now I can work towards overcoming any handicap it may have left me with.

I Am

"I Am" - is spoken so often and with ease. These two words do not complete our sentence in everyday life. "I am" is usually followed by a description or a feeling or an action or maybe something else. In my opinion it is words we hear very often but we rarely listen to because we are waiting for the speaker to complete the sentence. As a matter of fact we treat these two words as if they don't exist. In reality, though, these two words are the most vital part of the person speaking. When we don't give it importance we deny the existence of the person - often we deny our own existence.

"I am" when denied becomes the ego - the 'i'. It is time to pay attention as soon as those two words are spoken or heard. It is the sound of the spirit of the person - it is what each of us is within. It is the true identity and the moment we tune ourselves to the sound of those two words we can connect soul to soul and with our own soul. "I am" is the sound of the Universe and the need for each of us to be heard. Each of us is looking for a connection so the separateness we feel from one another is destroyed. It is the sound an infant makes that brings his mother to his side with a knowing of exactly what her baby needs. The oneness that is between mother and child is the oneness that is Universal to all of us and the words "I am" is our cry to the Universe and an expression of our need to be acknowledged as part of the whole.

No matter what language is used to express the "I am", the essence remains the same. It is our state of being and comes from a deep space of identification with one another. Let us start by paying attention to the expression everytime we use it ourselves - let us use the expression to connect with our inner self - wait for a split second - connect and then complete the sentence if needed. I have been told that looking into my own eyes in a reflection will give me a view into my soul. I have tried it silently and find no one in there. So I decided that since words speak to me more I would use words to connect to my soul. I tried chants and I tried music but somehow they did not seem mine. So I decided to ask myself to define who "I am." I racked my brains to complete the sentence with words that would help me connect with who "I am", instead I found peace in just those two words! "I am."