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Showing posts from 2016

How to Live an Independent Life - You can.

I am an East Indian married woman, mother of two grown men. I have flirted with the dream of being independent but did not believe it was possible. My brother moved out of our home when I was about 10. My father passed away when I was 18. I met my now husband when I was 16. I always had male figures in my life that were my anchor.

When my father died I did feel rudderless for some time, but by then I had a steady boyfriend. My father raised me to think that I could do anything and be anyone I wanted to be, but when he left the physical realm of my world I was not ready to believe I could. My husband on the other hand is a cautious man and slowly but surely I began to give in to his fears and his way of thinking. The only time my independent side truly shone through was when I had to guide my boys. I wanted them to be independent thinkers and doers. I encouraged them to make decisions and be willing to face the consequences of their actions. They have made mistakes, they have fumbled …

I Remember

Mother

She personifies pure love, they say. A mother is a mother at the end of the day. She loves whole heartedly Protects unreservedly, Mother never gives up on your dreams, Each time you win, her face is in beams.
She personifies wisdom, they tell me. Mother knows you in and out, you see. She will practice more than preach For she knows that is how to teach. Mother is always by you when you fail, She will put you right back on the trail.
She personifies friendship, I am told. A mother knows when to no longer hold. She is watching you, for sure, from afar, Her love, her wisdom your guiding star. Mother - in the background as she applauds, Your goals, your medals and your awards.
Tell me y'all, is motherhood above humanity? She must personify strong character and integrity. She needs to love more than just her blood, Someone who cares for all beings in this world. Woman must first be a true human at heart, Only then can she play a mother’s part.
I know of women who are selfish and unkind. Having children only to…

Thank you, child!

Last night I watched a video about a young woman's gratitude towards her mother for all she had done. I see many posts on FB too about how important gratitude is and I understand the concept of it, but it jars me when I see this expectation that we as parents have that our children should be grateful to us for bringing them into the world, for raising them, for being there for them, for taking their tantrums and their rebellion. 

I wanted children for me. When we were planning our family not once did we say "We need to bring a child into this world so he/she can be born." Was I doing it wrong? I remember saying to my husband, "My life is incomplete if I cannot be a mother." I am therefore, grateful that my life was completed by the arrival of my children.

I raised my children for my own pleasure too. Yes, I did want them to be comfortable and I wanted them to feel loved - but that was just a by-product of my need to keep them happy and loved. It was about me! The…

A Brand New Year!

Moving into January 1st 2016 was in no way different than say moving into March 21st 2012. Yet there is a lot of pomp and splendour like there is every year on January 1st. This year I decided to let it be. I wanted to figure out why there was the need to stay up to watch balls drop and confetti fill the air and fireworks light up the night sky. I have figured out that January 1st 2016 did arrive and all of the things that happen did happen and my non-participation made no difference. That is how insignificant we as individuals are in the larger scheme of things.

April 19th 2014 had immense significance for me. I let April 19th 2015 come and go without celebrating the 1 year anniversary of my husband's new lease on life. He was significant on that day as was I, the surgeons, nurses and nurse aides. That is the day that deserves the pomp and splendour because it decidedly changed the course of our lives.

We are social beings and follow trends to define the direction of some aspect…