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Path to Healing

Pain and hurt is part of the path traveled by all. I have learned that there is no value in laying blame on others for the hurt I feel. On the other hand there is great advantage to taking responsibility for allowing the hurt. Therein lies the secret to healing. By responsibility I do not mean blaming oneself, but recognizing that for someone to hurt me I must have given them the power to protect my inner being, that should always be mine. Once you own up to this, you have the power to heal yourself.

Hurt can soften the heart so one can empathize with the pain of others. Hurt can, just as much, harden the heart and so can perpetuate the infliction of hurt to others. That is a choice. Perpetuating hurt leads to bitterness and unhappiness. Kindness and compassion lead to healing and joy. Awareness is key. Be acutely conscious that hurting another leads to a mean spirit that can isolate and be self destructive.

It took me years to acknowledge my hurt and pain, but before that I learned …

What will I take with me?

For the last 2 years April has been a month of deeper contemplation than the other 11. It was in April 2014 that my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer, operated on and has since been in remission. The 10 days he was in hospital were intense and spiritually revealing. It showed me the importance of silence and the power of personal strength. For the first time in my life I was aware that I was not being motivated by adrenaline - I was not in fight or flight mode. I was acutely aware of everything that was happening around me and I was acting accordingly. I was making decisions guided by something bigger than me. I was more attentive of what was happening around me because I was acutely aware of what was happening with me. That sense has stayed with me ever since. It humbles me to know that I was purposefully ignorant for a major portion of my life. Not that I know it all now, but that life event, has shown me that wisdom is infinite and life experiences are the tool that opens up…

How to Break Out

It takes time and awareness to recognize that we are being wronged. The veil of love and trust mixed in with fear and insecurity keeps the wrong doer and the wrong done concealed. We see it happening and maybe hope, it is 'just this once, after all no one is perfect.' Eventually we must admit that we were fooling ourselves and have been played. Stop right there and take a deep breath because the truth of the matter is - we reneged on taking care of the one person we should never neglect - this "ME." I know now, that everything I was taught about being selfless should have been predicated with 'but not at the cost of your own destruction.' A line must be drawn once we recognize that we are giving up on being tender and loving to our own spirit. A child does not have the understanding of the wrong being done, nor the power to change things. It takes self awareness, awareness of the outside world, and a lot of self love to eventually acknowledge and extricate o…

6 Decades Later

Life has been an experience worth having. I generally do not dwell on the past, instead I tend to introspect and concentrate on the now. Today I would like to delve into my past - to take stock of how life has influenced who I am.

One vital lesson - the only constant is 'I am.' The predicate changed as I walked through life but all of those changes left the 'I am,' untouched. The little child has walked through 6 decades and now appears to be an old woman, but I still feel what the child felt then and through every experience she has been through since. The love, the joy, the fear, the desires, the sadness, the empathy, the envy, the anger, the indifference and more - are all there. I have learned how to process them, express them, absorb them or discard them - but the original feelings are all still part of this being because I am now, as I was then. Time has passed but the Being remains unchanged. I am unable to encapsulate that Being, unable to identify it in isola…

The Weight of Silence

Words carry the weight of our thoughts. It is a good exercise to count how many times we say, "But that is not what I meant;" or "Just kidding;" or even "Oops, slip of the tongue." What we mean and what we say often conflict. We use terms like semantics to explain away the disagreement, yet once the words are out - they are embedded in the minds of those who hear them. We may choose to use the written word which are just as weighty, and find ourselves either back peddling or explaining our intent or our thought process.

We often 'say the wrong thing,' yet we must be aware that the person hearing us does not know so. If you try to explain or re-word what you first said the idea that if the words were spoken, there is a place in the mind where it exists, remains. "You have gained weight!" can be very hurtful to the person being addressed. It may be true but it is unkind to make negative comments about physical appearances. Saying, "I…

Authenticity

How to Live an Independent Life - You can.

I am an East Indian married woman, mother of two grown men. I have flirted with the dream of being independent but did not believe it was possible. My brother moved out of our home when I was about 10. My father passed away when I was 18. I met my now husband when I was 16. I always had male figures in my life that were my anchor.

When my father died I did feel rudderless for some time, but by then I had a steady boyfriend. My father raised me to think that I could do anything and be anyone I wanted to be, but when he left the physical realm of my world I was not ready to believe I could. My husband on the other hand is a cautious man and slowly but surely I began to give in to his fears and his way of thinking. The only time my independent side truly shone through was when I had to guide my boys. I wanted them to be independent thinkers and doers. I encouraged them to make decisions and be willing to face the consequences of their actions. They have made mistakes, they have fumbled …