Showing posts from 2009

One Step Forward

The ego is a difficult entity to control or even keep in sight at all times. Yet without that awareness, being completely true to Oneself is impossible. The ego is what separates me from my True Self and controls my body-mind-intellect complex with ease. Me - my Spirit - prefers to remain an observer when the ego is ruling. It is only when I am consciously aware of my ego that I can attempt to be true to Me. Not that the ego is always doing the wrong thing - it can be loving and kind too but it is also a show off at that time. The ego does everything to increase its own power. In that sense it is completely self absorbed.

What then is the difference between the self absorption of the ego and the Self absorption of the Spirit? The Spirit is all pervading and so It's absorption in Itself includes all - there is no hunger for power or control. That is what makes it so easy for the ego to take over. If the Spirit had wielded It's power over the ego Its purity would be lost. The Pow…

From Silence to Stability

Stability is considered a negative in the world of economics - it means absence of growth they say. In the world of the Spirit though Stability is an essential aspect of growth. A stable mind makes it possible to go deeper and discover one's True Self - the one that is the Ultimate, Omnipresent, Omniscient, Omnipotent entity that defines us all.

What is Stability of mind and how does one achieve it? A stable mind is simply one that does not react either positively or negatively to any stimulus. It accepts every thought, event, person with complete equanimity. To achieve this state there has to be an understanding that the world at large is only an illusion and transient. To get to this stage one only need study everything that has ever happened and recognize the truth of this. This must be done with an open mind and the results that come out of the observations depends on the stage of stability that a person is at. Each of us is always right no matter what the conclusion since it …

All of Me

I have a hidden dark side too. The one that is capable of anger, lies, hatred, jealousy, fear, and many other emotions that are available to mankind. Yes I am capable of all that, given the right set of circumstances. What a shocker. Here I was thinking I am this perfect Bliss and Joy and then I was prompted to ask if I could experience anger or frustration again. At first I laughed and said, "No way." I know now that I have control over my mind and I can choose to think positive even if things are not going the way I wish. Life is not about me and my wants and desires. There are so many justifications for not falling into negative thought processes. But this was not how I always was - this is a learned quality and so it is only a part of who I am at my core. I cannot deny the other side of me. In the privacy of my home I do get angry and frustrated and downright bitchy.

My fear now is not that others will not approve of me but that I have an ego that will take me away from …

My Relationship with Me

Now that life is no longer about the approval of those around me I am beginning to understand the tenets of relationships clearly. The one and only relationship that is of any value is the one with my True Self. All other relationships are based on values that are mutually workable for those within the relationship. The relationship with myself though is based only on Truth. Truth about the inherent Me and all other beings. The vibration that makes me and every being around me tick. The vibration I put out there is the vibration reflected back at me.

This is a beautiful revelation. This morning I had the opportunity to deal with a few people and found out the joy that comes out of being in the presence of Oneness. I was dealing with a government official who looked quite grumpy when I got to his counter. He was short in his greeting and demanding and demeaning in his tone. I was determined to treat him with the softness and respect I expected from him and so I smiled and spoke softly, …

From Pain to Humility

The path traversed respecting the human side of me has often times been one filled with pain, hurt, anger, confusion and a sense of wonderment at what life is about. I have always been aware that these experiences were superficial, transient ones but I could not see anything deeper. Life was about everyday stuff - home, family, money, work, friends, things, relationships and more. I was sometimes joyful, sometimes not. I never went out consciously looking for joy or sorrow - they just happened to me. Even in joy there was fear of it not lasting long enough. Life just happened. My mind was my master and I was it's dog on a leash. I went wherever it took me.

Painful life experiences never shook me up deeply. There was a sense of resigned acceptance that life was about unpredictable pain filled events I had to experience in the span of time spent here on earth. I had not asked to be born - I was given birth to. Now I was left to fend to unpredictable life experiences - how unfair is …

From Silence to Omnipresence

There is so much to learn. When does one start putting the lessons to practice? Reading and listening to Spiritual Leaders can be addictive since there is a sense of 'feeling good' in their words. The challenge is putting the lessons to use while living in the world. The Oneness Experiment by James Twyman and Anakha Coman makes it possible to practice what I have learned over the last many years. The experiment has shown me the presence of Oneness in every event, thing and person I have encountered over the last 3 weeks. The experiment has helped me understand the power of my own thoughts and feelings in very practical ways. Every breath, every sight, every touch, every thought is a step on my journey towards knowing the Eternal Spirit better and recognizing it as the omnipresence it is.

For many years I claimed not to have time to meditate. Meditation then meant sitting in silence for a period of time and concentrating or focusing on a name or a light or a thought. Today every…

I give Thanks.

Everytime I hear someone wishing me Happy Thanksgiving; everytime I see an e-mail or a post with best wishes for Thanksgiving I smile at how commercial every such event is. What do I mean when I wish someone 'Happy Thanksgiving?' Just that they enjoy the day, eating turkey or tofu or lamb or anything they prefer to today with family and friends? Or am I giving thanks that they are in my life? If I think about it - and I mean really contemplate - then it is that I am grateful that they are in my life. Over the years I stopped reflecting on emotions and feelings and became more about people. I moved outwards when really I should have gone inwards. Feelings are what I am about. Good feelings make me feel better - not 'good people.' I have always believed (and often been ridiculed for believing) that we are all inherently good. Today I am convinced that my belief is a hundred percent true. It is upto me to remain focused on the good in everyone I deal with every moment. Ho…

Listening to the Universe's Personal Messengers

I am so fortunate to have access to this wonderful experiment that James Twyman and Anakha Coman are sponsoring. The experiment is called The Oneness Experiment and is based on a book that the two have written called The Proof. I would like to suggest that anyone who is on a spiritual path take the opportunity to get the book and use it as one of your guides on your path.

On Saturday I was also privileged enough to listen in on a conference call that James and Anakha conduct every week. This week's special guest was Neale Donald Walsch of The Conversations With God fame. There is a recording of the call at Click on The Proof on the right. Listen to Conference Call #3 if you wish to hear his absolutely marvelous message. It is inspiring and useful insight even for those of us who are struggling with questions about life.

James, Anakha and Neale are messengers that will help take us to that next level. They have touched my soul. Thank you God for Everything.

From Silence to Love

"A strong positive emotion of regard and affection" - is a dictionary definition for Love. Somewhere in the process of a lifetime Love is expressed as many emotions - not always positive and not always of regard or affection. The sound of the word has a positive feel to it but the emotion behind it may be one of lust, greed, power, possessiveness, jealousy, security and many other unpleasant emotions. Pure Love must be unconditional - only then will it be the strong positive emotion of regard and affection that the definition talks about. Love with a string attached has different names.

The one condition Love cannot have is that of selfishness. 'I love because' - will necessarily have a self serving string attached to it. This conditional love can change to hate, fear and even indifference very easily. All that it requires is my interest to be jeopardized and love flies right out. A lasting love is a non-judgmental one. Love has regard for its loved one even when the…

From Silence to Happiness

An AAHAA moment - True Happiness is possible only when it is Unconditional. All other feelings of happiness are transient. I have often heard of and even felt "unconditional love" towards others - but have questioned its veracity in my life since this love is directed towards people I know. This love came from a capacity to forgive and to accept that they have perspectives different from mine. Sometimes if there was 'wrong doing' I loved inspite of it. And so by virtue of the love being qualifiable it somehow lost its capacity to be unconditional. Then there is the love I feel for those who I may not know and who may not know me but whose troubles I know about. I feel for them and I send out blessings towards them - there is a sense of compassion in this love. Again this is love because they are in need. What I really want to be able to feel is love that is flowing outwards all the time. No judgments, no sizing people out, no first appearances or anything like that.

From Silence to Creation

The time has been well spent. Just 'being' in Silence has proven the futility of constantly doing. Having given myself the opportunity to go into those spaces in my mind which bring inspirational thoughts I have discovered some fabulous secrets that were hitherto known but not believed by me.

There have been many moments in my life when I have successfully 'predicted' events of the future. I now realize that those were not predictions of events that were already fated - they were events that I co-created simply by raising my vibrations that necessitated those events. I vividly remember some of the moments when the so called predictions were made. The first one that comes to mind is one where my husband and I were in Bombay traveling along a known road in an auto-rickshaw. He had for years dreamt of working outside the country. A desire he had very often shared with me. That evening too he was deriding his luck about not having any of his dreams fulfilled - a very common…

From Fear to Love - God by God

I came into this world not wanting to - crying as if in excruciating pain. Yet it is how I first breathed 'life' into my being. From that moment I entered the realm of duality - of pain and pleasure. Suckling my mother's breast I learned to attach myself, to want, to have, to like and to dislike. I lost my divinity little by little and soon I forgot that I am divine. The human side of me was not just predominant it was as if that was all I was. Not that being human is all bad but I learned and developed traits that were conducive to living a materialistic lifestyle devoid of spiritual depth.

I could have lived a life exemplifying my divinity but my environment was not attuned to it. I come from religious parents. I was raised to believe in God - a physical God. This God resided outside me. He was meant to be feared, to be revered, to be worshiped from afar. If I sinned He would punish me like He punished so many of the poor, destitute, sick and physically and mentally chall…

Baba - White Sheep

November 3rd each year is a black day in my calendar. 34 years ago today I lost my Baba to brain cancer. He was 52 and suffered for 6 weeks of which 3 were thankfully spent in a coma. The end was recognized as the heaving of his chest stopped as the sun set that evening. It was the day after Kali Pujo. There were fireworks being lit all around us but I was oblivious to the sights and sounds of that evening. The evening was a haze midst a houseful of people. A stunned silence and then agonizing cries from friends and family were heard off and on all evening long. Yet there was a sense of extreme relief for me - I no longer needed to worry about Baba dying. This relief outshone any grief I may have felt over my loss. For years I had worried about his passing. For as long as he was outside the home I worried that he would not come back - that he would die and leave me.

When I was eight I watched my sister who was 13 have an epileptic seizure as she played ball with her classmates. She pas…

From Fear to Silence through Love

I approach life from either a place of fear or one that has overcome fear. I am not sure if I ever approach life from a place of Love - yet. Fearlessness is not love but defiance within me. So whatever I undertake has an element of fear in it. The fear is mostly about whether or not I am living my life according to the norms that society, my culture, imposed values, or friends and family agree with. Inherent is this dependence on approval that I am always struggling with. The fear of death is so far away from my mind because the fear of being disapproved is always ahead of every other kind of fear there can be.

I am intellectually and to a certain extent even emotionally aware that I am immortal - that death does not mean non-existence and this motivates me to know the inner me better. Meditating, contemplating and writing helps me walk the path towards that goal. They take me to that spot within that reveals the workings of my mind and my capacity to deal with my thoughts. When I ana…

Replenishing Me

Living through the vagaries of life I move on an inward journey. A solitary journey that is unique since there is neither anyone I know nor any strangers on this trip with me. The vehicle is my mind and in this vehicle is my own mind - the one I am only now discovering. It leads me along various paths and as I move forward I am oblivious to where I am being taken. This mind is full of secret cracks, crevices and caves and although it appears to be out in the open it is really hiding somewhere in a small hole from where it is watching everything happening around it and reacting according to its 'acquired nature.' The ride is not just interesting but rejuvenating. The cracks and crevices hold wonderful secrets that are liberating.

The choices I have made through my life have been based more on what I have learnt than what I truly want. The first thought that comes to mind with any task I undertake has been about how the outside world will react to the result. This world maybe one…

From Chaos to ...?

Chaos and clutter seemed to be everywhere in my home. It was a reflection of my chaotic mind. Multitasking my way through life, I believed, was what kept everything around me running. I know now that the less I have, the less I do the more is achieved and more at peace I am.

I spent years working outside the home for financial abundance. I had many things but no time to enjoy them. The 29 large windows in my home that I dressed up with different shades I never raised to look outside; luxurious sheets that I never laid on my bed; china I never ate out of; rooms I never spent any quality time in are now all in the past. I built a 'successful' career, earned money and collected useless trinkets. I spent time keeping them safe and clean but never found a moment to appreciate them. There was very little time or energy left after running around trying to balance work, home, family, friends, and things. I gave up reading, writing, meditating so I could work, keep house, and help prov…

The Silent Mind

Silence is a state of mind. I remember as a child hearing about and observing people practicing Mouna Vrata - the vow of silence. They would not speak for a day. The stress that this would cause around the person was hilarious. They would be sitting with a pen and paper handy - in case they needed to say something. They would have a bell or a steel bowl and spoon at hand to make a sound if they wanted attention. This misconception about the vow of silence being about keeping the mouth shut lasted in my mind for years.

I know now that the vow of silence is about silencing the mind. What a beautiful concept. The need to say nothing. In today's life where there is so much to excite my senses it is not an easy vow to keep. To practice silencing the mind each morning by meditating only on the breath and at the most on the sensations it brings in the body is a very calming experience. It takes time and conscious effort but each morning I find it becoming easier. Observing the turmoil in…

From Gossip to Silence

Gossip is defined as rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. It is possible to gossip with oneself about oneself. I find myself doing more of this and thinking a lot less about other things. I made a choice to spend more time with myself so I am not distracted from my move further inward. A lot of time has been spent thinking about my nature and analyzing everything from my thoughts to my weight, my breath, my emotions and my relationships. I have always enjoyed talking to myself and have used these conversations to know me better. Self gossiping has helped me find sparks of my true nature and helped my inward journey into my inherent goodness.

Self talk has taught me that to find Me, I need to experience myself at a much deeper level. The physical, mental, emotional, intellectual experiences that I have with myself are still very superficial. There is something much deeper and that is the essence that I must find. Gossiping to myself about myself brings on an e…

The Unshakable Mind

Sthitaprajna - one whose mind does not waiver under any circumstances. The Gita talks about such a person as being established in God. The Buddha talks about being at peace even when there is turmoil around. I often get the opportunity to test this aspect of my mind. Some latest developments in my life have proven that even if my mind gets shaken when there is turmoil, if I make a conscious effort not to let my mind wander too far out I can rein it in. I have learnt a great lesson in forgiveness. I find that guilt is a function of my capacity to forgive myself first and foremost. I am a spiritual being in human form and so human characteristics - faulty by nature - will raise their heads. Each time I can recall my spiritual self to forgive my actions, learn from mistakes and move forward a few moments earlier than the previous time.

Actions and words I would normally have considered a personal affront even a few years ago now seem to be reflections of the mind of he who affronts. I un…

Self Improvement

As I look back over the years I see the various paths I have walked to get to where I am today. The number of things I have learnt, done, and achieved make me smile. These worldly achievements are worth nothing at this moment. All that matters now is the now. This moment is unaffected by my past and exists independent of all other moments. My experiences are worth something only if they have taken me towards my true purpose. Anything I have done that took me away from my purpose was a waste of time.

I remember looking at those who were unable to multitask and taking pride in the fact that I could. Multitasking wasted many moments of my life since being a hundred percent present in any moment was impossible. All that multitasking helped me achieve was a stressful lifestyle. All the work related positions I held brought me 'success' in the physical, material realm. I made good money, was able to buy many things, developed a great reputation as a good worker, made many friends, tr…

Recognize Me

A flurry of activities are on. It is that time of the year. The time to celebrate the advent of the Mother. It has me wondering why she comes only this once. Why do we think about defeating evil only once a year? Is the Pujas a reminder to cleanse my mind once a year or is it a reminder to always keep myself clean? Why is the prep work of Maa's arrival about so much activity? Should it not be a time for me to contemplate rather than on getting busy with cultural, social and ritualistic activities? What is the significance of my activities?

Many questions and all the answers tell me that the activities are all about running away from the contemplation that will get my ego to take an inventory of itself and find it to be short of many qualities that it needs to become a true reflection of my spirit. As the scriptures say a Bhakta who loves his Ishta becomes one with the Ishta. He acquires all the qualities of his Ishta except His powers. A true bhakta remains one with his Ishta as lo…