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Showing posts from May, 2010

Walking to Wisdom

Now I have gone and done it. With my heart racing and face flushing I signed up for a 5K walk to be held on June 12th. My first Walk for a cause ever. I am not sure I can do this. I am still huffing and puffing as I walk 2 miles in about 35 minutes each day. That is a poor pace and I know it. I am aiming at bringing that down to a mile every 15 minutes and increasing each day by at least a tenth of a mile to get to as close to walking 5K as I can by d-day. I had initially responded with a 'Maybe' to join then this new friend I have who is a personal trainer and is helping me achieve my fitness goals pushed me over. "Say yes - and I will join your cause too." Oh,oh - my first thought was, "Stupid girl - why did you have to mention the walk to the one person who was going to push you to do it?" I got my answer while the question was forming in my mind, "Because you want to do this but have no self confidence that you can." The real I truly wanted to…

Where do I stand?

Today I will be hosting a radio program at a local station - community radio. I have been interested in hosting for a long time and I appreciate the opportunity. I am nervous about it even though I have been practicing keeping the mind stable and living in the moment. I have spent time preparing myself for the program - deciding what to say and what music to play during the hour. I have done what needs to be done in terms of planning and the rest will move with the time I spend on air.

As I watch my nervousness I wonder what is causing it. This is not a job that I am depending on financially - I am volunteering my time. Majority of the listeners do not know me from Eve and so it really does not matter what they think of me. If the feedback is good, bad or indifferent will really not matter to the radio station or to me. This is my first time at it and if I make many errors or feel uncomfortable I can just drop out of future programs. No one will remember me and that is that. So this n…

Anatomy of Approval

Seeking the approval of others was a learnt quality. The need was really to be heard. Somewhere along the way I equated being heard as being agreed with. Two totally different things. It meant that the corollary was true too. To let another know that they had been heard I had to agree with them. What a dangerous situation to put oneself in. It is only now that I understand that there is a definite difference between hearing and agreeing.

As a child I shared my parent's affection with an older and only brother and an older and unwell sister. I am sure I felt I had to compete to have my parent's attention. Then my sister died and my brother moved to a different city to pursue his education. I became the center of most of my parent's attention when I was around 9. By then I was a good little girl who had won their hearts over by doing everything they approved. It was a good way to live. There was very little conflict. Doing anything that could cause unhappiness to my parents w…

What is Relationship?

The dynamism of relationships intrigues me. Why do relationships wax, wane, grow, break or just never develop? What is it that does not allow stability in most relationships? There are some relationships that last a lifetime - without going through some (often major) peaks and valleys. For years I accepted that if a relationship has lasted without ups and downs it has been a bonus. Now I think otherwise. It is possible for most relationships to be stable and peace filled. It requires that I be stable - no matter what the circumstances.

Omnipresence means we are all imbibed by the same energy - for me that energy is defined as God. That makes us all essentially the same. Ego refuses to accept this and needs to protect itself from the unknown. If I know that we are all the same it is impossible for me to be afraid of anyone else. I do not need to be judgmental and the judgment of others holds no value to me. The God in me recognizes the God in you - and vice versa. If we can both remov…

Growing Awareness

I have spent the last few weeks caring for myself more than I have done in years. My time has been spent counting calories and understanding the effect of food on my emotions and my body - as much as the effect of emotions on my eating and on my body. A lot of time has also been spent understanding me - the real me a lot better.

I give a hundred percent of myself to whoever I am in contact with. I give all of myself to whatever it is that I am undertaking. I am fully present in any situation I find myself in. All good things but then I also expected the same from the people and circumstances too. That can be a huge burden on others. It requires trust, respect, and unconditional love for and from people. How many of us are ready for this? How many of us know how to define these qualities? It has taken me 53 years to get a small glimpse of and know their effects on me personally and I know now that for years I lacked these essential values - not by choice but simply because I lived a li…