Saturday, May 8, 2010

What is Relationship?

The dynamism of relationships intrigues me. Why do relationships wax, wane, grow, break or just never develop? What is it that does not allow stability in most relationships? There are some relationships that last a lifetime - without going through some (often major) peaks and valleys. For years I accepted that if a relationship has lasted without ups and downs it has been a bonus. Now I think otherwise. It is possible for most relationships to be stable and peace filled. It requires that I be stable - no matter what the circumstances.

Omnipresence means we are all imbibed by the same energy - for me that energy is defined as God. That makes us all essentially the same. Ego refuses to accept this and needs to protect itself from the unknown. If I know that we are all the same it is impossible for me to be afraid of anyone else. I do not need to be judgmental and the judgment of others holds no value to me. The God in me recognizes the God in you - and vice versa. If we can both remove the veil of the ego the relationship would be perfect. But it is still possible for me to attempt to create a perfect relationship with you if I remove the veil of my ego. You can choose to keep yours on or put it away - that will not matter to my love for you - even if the relationship is lost

The veil is one of judgment and pre-conditions. It is possible for me to overcome both - it requires only Love. Ever since the experience of Oneness I have begun to see the harm I have caused myself by being judgmental. I have created a wall around myself trying to protect something that requires no protection. I can be myself without judging me or others. That is the beauty of fearless living. There is no right or wrong in anything you or I say or do - since I love You what actions your ego instigates does not need to bring on any negative vibes in Me.

Is it possible to live this way, though? Can I give up being judgmental? There is a method I must follow for me to get to the point where I have mastered it. There are two things to keep in mind - one is being ever vigilant about remaining Present at all times; and two is to remember who I am and extend that memory towards everyone around me. I cannot tell my ego not to show up - that is almost impossible to do - yet. I can train my ego to remain Present and remember who is the True Master of this existence.

There are many ways I recognize when my ego needs restraint and when my Spirit is leading the way. Whenever I have selfish thoughts, when I am angry, when I am forming opinions that I want to stick to no matter what, when I am not listening to others but formulating answers, when I am allowing myself to get lost in negative emotions I must make conscious effort and bring awareness into the moment. The key to any relationship is being able to recognize that the relationship is not paramount - the person is. When I begin to love a relationship more than the person the very essence of the relationship is lost. When I concentrate more on the relationship the poisonous effects of expectations begin to take over. When a relationship is based on conditional love between the people concerned the relationship is fragile and hollow. Unconditional love is nothing more than an acceptance of a person inspite of and because of their inner being. Actions are a reflection of our emotions and thoughts - when our emotions and thoughts are spirit centered our actions are invariably kind and compassionate. Egocentric emotions and thoughts give rise to actions that can be unpredictable. To be able to accept a person whether they are reflecting their spirit or their ego is what unconditional love is all about. I do not have to like or agree with the person's opinions or actions - but I must be able to accept them for who they are reflecting knowing fully well that behind it all is the same superpower that resides in and around me. That is what being present is all about. Being ever aware that there is one thread that runs through us all.

No relationship needs to sour - every relationship can keep soaring upwards. Everyone within that relationship enjoys peace, love, abundance and oneness. No matter what is said or done being present brings beauty into the moment and into relationships.


  1. Can I love the person, even though the current state is very toxic and stand afar? Not engaged? Because I cannot be "in" a relationship that is toxic or negative for my well being...Interesting ponder.

  2. If I loved the person unconditionally then a toxic relationship can be put aside and the love for the person can continue. When love becomes conditional upon the relationship then maybe that should not be referred to as love - that is the opinion I have.

  3. Swami SarvadevanandaMay 8, 2010 at 6:19 PM

    Dear Basabi,
    Wonderful assimilation of Vedanta ideals.
    Mother bless you.
    Yours in Mother,
    Swami Sarvadevananda

  4. Deep insight into the beauty of a true relationship... loved this article


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