Sunday, January 3, 2016

A Brand New Year!

Moving into January 1st 2016 was in no way different than say moving into March 21st 2012. Yet there is a lot of pomp and splendour like there is every year on January 1st. This year I decided to let it be. I wanted to figure out why there was the need to stay up to watch balls drop and confetti fill the air and fireworks light up the night sky. I have figured out that January 1st 2016 did arrive and all of the things that happen did happen and my non-participation made no difference. That is how insignificant we as individuals are in the larger scheme of things.

April 19th 2014 had immense significance for me. I let April 19th 2015 come and go without celebrating the 1 year anniversary of my husband's new lease on life. He was significant on that day as was I, the surgeons, nurses and nurse aides. That is the day that deserves the pomp and splendour because it decidedly changed the course of our lives.

We are social beings and follow trends to define the direction of some aspects of life, but with making every social trend so important maybe we are leaving behind our personal victories and celebrations, the ones that are significant only to us as individuals or maybe to a select few.

Both my husband and I have been changed by that one event and it continues to teach us something new about ourselves and each other. The lessons maybe small, almost insignificant, and sometimes we are blown away by them. It has opened our minds and taken us into spaces within that we did not know existed. We are closer today than we have been in a long time and it has nothing to do with physical presence.

As individuals we have both grown and that has taught us how to function as a couple. We have been connected for almost 44 years now and today we take each other less for granted than we did 20 years ago. The companionship that we share is something I was always afraid we would never have because we are so different. That fear came from thinking we needed to be similar to make good companions. Today I am celebrating our differences, I am appreciating his quirkiness, I am enjoying his uniqueness. Most of all I am celebrating me. I am no longer trying to align myself to him or getting him to fall in line with me. As an individual I am enough, I am complete.

I have changed as a person not necessarily because of his cancer but because that diagnosis, treatment and recovery pushed me into a direction that I would not have otherwise taken. The path I took led to major changes within me as a person. I discovered things about myself that were evident to many but I was completely blind to. Fortunately I had the unconditional love of my family - especially my very astute children - who helped me on this journey by being kindly critical and openly embracing. As for my significant other - I am in awe of the depth of this very simple hearted yet immensely complex man.

I wish every one a Happy 2016, but encourage you to also celebrate your special days - the ones that push you to grow, or to simply be.

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