How to Break Out

It takes time and awareness to recognize that we are being wronged. The veil of love and trust mixed in with fear and insecurity keeps the wrong doer and the wrong done concealed. We see it happening and maybe hope, it is 'just this once, after all no one is perfect.' Eventually we must admit that we were fooling ourselves and have been played. Stop right there and take a deep breath because the truth of the matter is - we reneged on taking care of the one person we should never neglect - this "ME." I know now, that everything I was taught about being selfless should have been predicated with 'but not at the cost of your own destruction.' A line must be drawn once we recognize that we are giving up on being tender and loving to our own spirit. A child does not have the understanding of the wrong being done, nor the power to change things. It takes self awareness, awareness of the outside world, and a lot of self love to eventually acknowledge and extricate oneself from the web that keeps us trapped

The shift from love, through hurt, anger, grief, and sadness, to self-love, is a mental pathway that we have to go through before we can come to forgive. It is a cathartic journey to forgiving oneself for giving away ones power. "How could I not have seen it?" "How could I have let it continue?" "Why did I not stop it?" "Why did I not walk away?" The questions don't stop and there are very few logical answers. There is one thread to the answer - we loved and trusted the other, but ignored our inner being. Spirit only witnesses - it does nothing more. The choice to care for it is entirely upto the smaller 'me', who looks outward till it reaches a dead end and only then thinks of finding answers within. No matter how much love and support your parents, spouse, children, siblings or friends give you - know that love for your Self is by far the most enduring you will ever have. I no longer believe in a personal God and to me 'God Loves You' means I have access to love within me. This is the Love that takes us to forgiveness and beyond.

It is within our power to stop letting others wrong us. It is possible to forgive the wrong doer, forget the hurt; but to not let the person hurt you again, make sure you recognize the attribute you have, that allowed the wrong to be done in the first place. Take the time to know yourself. The more you love the person, the more you will need to consciously love yourself. The steps needed to stop the abuse will come from that space of love for yourself. Each of us will handle it differently, but handle it we must. Some relationships break, others correct themselves, still others will constantly evolve but every abusive relationship requires that we have a strong sense of the One I, so we do not allow the abuse to continue and we do not propagate abuse.

We play an integral role in allowing abuse. This is not to say we are to blame, rather to say we do not recognize our own power. The abuse may stop once our power is manifest - if it does not, we must distance ourselves. Abuse is a reflection of the weakness of character of the abuser. It is not our responsibility to strengthen his/her character. It is however our duty to help those being abused to get their self-respect and their power back and that includes you, if you are being abused. If you have been abused be empathetic to others around you - own your hurt so you can feel the pain others are going through. Empathy requires us to acknowledge our own pain first.

It is important to know that abuse can be subtle and we get conditioned to it. Someone looking from the outside in, may see it right away, but if one is being abused it seems like normal behavior. This is truer when the abuse is from someone who is supposed to provide you with care, support, guidance, nurturing. A parent can be just as abusive as a spouse or a boss. It depends more on the power or authority one has over you. Abuse is also not gender specific. Men and women can both be abusive or abused.

Develop character, self confidence, self reliance and surround yourself with good people. Be honest with yourself. Be kind and loving to yourself. Be observant and if you have experienced abuse in any relationship be vigilant and learn how not to be. Teach yourself to say 'No.' You owe no explanation for saying it. Respect your instinct. If something hurts, it is because it is meant to hurt. If you place your hand in something hot, you instinctively know how to respond. Emotional pain brings on the same instinctive response and deserves to be acknowledged.

Be kind, empathetic, and aware towards all. Remember you are an integral part of 'all.'


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